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Friendships After a Child's Death

It seems to me before Joey died I had so many friends! I was happy, care free, lived in a good neighborhood, had had a good job, my kids were successful on and on. Who wouldn't want to be my buddy?

My boy dying a traumatic sudden death was really off the chart for a woman like me. I had four healthy functional children. my husband and I are attractive people, all was well and Boom! Suddenly everything changed. It was too hard on my girlfriends to be around me as we raised our children together. If Joey could die their child could die, oh no stay away, stay away! 

In their defense I did find petty concerns petty! How can you find their daughter-in-laws choice in clothing important when you want your son back from death?

Life has become something different, foreign, terrifying. No one is with me who understands. Even my own family wants me to just tuck it inside somewhere and hide it when they're around. I can't, I am sorry but I cannot; Joey, my mom, my dad, my friend Judy; everyone who died together within a couple years are here with me. 

They sometimes speak through me, they let me know who to trust and who not to. My heart breaks sometimes when they let me know this person or that is not truly my friend. This one or that is lying or exaggerating. Don't be hurt they say, it is not you, it is them.

What do I do? Learn to enjoy life alone? Maybe so, maybe that is my next lesson.

i will write more as I figure this out.

 

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About the Author

An unusual occurrence happened in my life over the course of three years, three horrible years. My youngest son Joey, my Father, Mother, Uncle, Aunt, two cousins, my BFF Judy, my hermit friend Vern, and my little dog all died. I became a different person, in many ways, over those three years. Grief for my parents, relatives and friends seems to be going through proper stages and moving along; however grief for my son never quiets. It seems to live in my mind, body and soul, active and on the edge at all times. It is a wonder to me that I did not die with my son. It seems so cruel that parents suffer this pain; and then I think how cruel it would have been for my other three children if they had to mourn a brother and a mother. No, better I grieve the rest of my natural life than have them hurt any worse. Life goes on each day and I live it in moments, walking in both worlds, this one and the next. I seem to find my way ok, stumbling now and again but surviving. Writing and sharing helps me along my way, so thank you for reading this and sharing a bit of my story.

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