The season has ended. Blossoms of purples and whites fill my sight. I pass through the fields of heather and look beyond the sea. A peacefulness settles in the misty dew surrounding my body and filling my senses. I am with someone. A beautiful feeling of pure and abundant love emanates sparkles of light that reach deep within my soul. It is my son. He reaches for my hand and helps me up.
emotions are meant to be felt.
so why is it so hard to feel them?
why is my first reaction always: "find a way to shut them up."
even happiness is difficult for me.
I realize I'm feeling happy and *boom,* I'm doing something that will surely push that happiness away
who really wants to grieve?
My husband left this world on September 25, 2012. This was the last day of my life. For the past 3 years I have struggled daily with memories, guilt, remorse, anger, confusion and loneliness. Finally, I have been able to let go of MOST of these feelings. I was the best I could have been at that time with what I knew and had.
I still remember the day we moved into this home I have come to cherish. I was 23 and Keith was 11 months old. My first house.....so adorable on this lovely street with its fenced in yard. Quickly turning the back bedroom into a Sesame Street themed boy's dream....we began our life here.