How do I move forward without guilt?
Taking into account all that we have built!
Alone, confused, conflicted!
That’s how I feel everyday, my brain is twisted!
My thoughts are in competition with my heart to see which can form the most knots.
How can I do that without you?
Spring awakens with the dawn of a new day. A new day that I get up and try to feel for my existence. It doesn't come. I'm here but I am not. Twenty eight months. I've come a long way but yet not so far. My needs are small in comparison but simplistically impossible. I want to see your beautiful face. Your twinkling eyes. Your quirky smile.
The season has ended. Blossoms of purples and whites fill my sight. I pass through the fields of heather and look beyond the sea. A peacefulness settles in the misty dew surrounding my body and filling my senses. I am with someone. A beautiful feeling of pure and abundant love emanates sparkles of light that reach deep within my soul. It is my son. He reaches for my hand and helps me up.
I have always wanted to be a mother and encourage our children to be honest, caring, empathetic and great communicators. All the parenting books never prepared me to help my three children grieve the unexpected loss of their father. His death was a shock- all three children helped thousands of searchers try find our Travis.