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20 Ways to Get Through Those Bad Days

After the loss of a loved one we are thrown into the chaos of grief, flailing around aimlessly in the swell of hurt and emotions that swamp us. Every day seems like a bad day.

 

Even many years later we can have days where the effort of coping, the effort of everyday demands and the effort of living becomes too great to bear for a time. We give in and collapse, letting ourselves become engulfed and dragged down by our emotional burdens.

 

When we're in that place it's hard to find a way out, to see daylight and be able to breathe in fresh air again. Here are some tips to help you navigate the black hole - 20 ways you can get through your bad days.

 

Feel it for a while


Wallow - yes wallow. Sometimes we just have to give ourselves permission to be in the mire of what we feel and what we are experiencing. We need to be engulfed in our great sorrow and pain that hurts like nothing on earth. We need to feel the depths of our anguish for ourselves, our deep ache for all that we are going through so that we can open our eyes to another day.

 

Set a timer - yes you can wallow but not forever. It's a self-absorbed dark place that we don't want to be in forever. Give yourself a time limit - minutes or hours, perhaps the whole day. Set boundaries that support you.

 

Move - any sort of movement is good. If it comes after a good wallow, it might be as simple as getting out of bed. It could be walking around the block or having a good stretch. Activity is a whole body plus. Start where you are and go from there.

 

Use gadgets


Smartphone - find an app that inspires you, something to lift your spirits when you're feeling down. It could be faith based, inspirational quotes or the sounds of nature.

 

iPad/Tablets - there is an amazing array of stuff you can get nowadays to distract and divert you, to lift you up a little from the gloom that can descend. I've recently added the TED app to my iPad. TED is a non-profit dedicated to ideas worth spreading. In their iPad app there are hundreds of talks from their conferences you can watch on a bad day or when sleep eludes you.

 

Playlists - find your favourite music and put it into playlists depending on your mood. Have one for gloomy days, some music that pulls you up a notch. Have one for walking. Have one for sleeping. You can even get special ear bud sleeping bands for comfort plus.


Comfort treats


Soft tissues - our poor noses come in for a battering when we are grieving. We have never cried so much. So buy some extra gentle tissues to have on hand. A little softness goes a long way when we're feeling miserable.

 

Cuddle up - buy a beautiful soft and snugly throw to dive into. There is something about being warm and covered that makes us feel protected and cared for. It's a hug with us, for ourselves.

 

Food- it's not a good thing to dive into the cupboard when we're feeling stressed or overwhelmed but we all do it and it can be an emotional short term boost. Keep it for those times when you need it most. We all have our favourites, for me its chocolate based - hot drinks, chocolates or pudding.

 

Warmth - have you noticed how you feel better when the sun is shining and you feel warm and cosy? Where you can, get out in the sunshine or warm yourself by the fire front and let the heat thaw the ache in your heart a little.

 

Bathe - immersing ourselves in the warmth of a scented bath or feeling the hot water of a shower pour over us can be very soothing. Team it up with a beautiful soap or oil to make you feel nurtured and special.

 

Be Uplifted


Laugh - something that might seem impossible when we are in the depths of despair. Laughing is healthy and nothing to feel bad about. We all need some relief, a breather and laughter can do so much to release the tension we hold in tight. Watch this yoga laughter video or keep a couple of DVDs or tapes you know you will laugh at close at hand. It can do so much to break open the shell of despair sitting heavy in your heart.

 

Feed your mind - have a couple of books, DVD's or tapes that inspire you in some way. You might have some you turn to again and again. If not, start to collect a couple of things you can use during these difficult days. To comfort you, inspire you and give you hope.

 

One good thing - it can be the hardest thing in the world to feel grateful for anything when we have lost someone we love so very much. Yet I believe if we try and if we practice we can find our one good thing that becomes another and another. It taps us into the polar opposite of our loss and directs us towards hope and healing.

 



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