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I SAW YOU

My husband, in others I see him to remind me our love is every where.

Not to long ago there was a moment in time I thought would never be. It was a moment not ever thought of nor thought would ever have to face. Isn't it funny the most out of this world things that you thought could never be, one day proves to you "oh yes it can". These moments leave you standing in what feels is a dream, the words try to surface, yet nothing comes out. "Always expect the unexpected" is what I constantly remind myself from that day forward.
In all the moments that take you by surprise it is those moments we become more aware of the fact that anything is possible in life, that in those moments all of our belief is shifted, some moments for the best, some for the bad, yet in all of those moments is a blessing to our growth, to the journey of life we go through. On this particular day the moment that happened was bitter sweet, maybe to others it will sound little but to those that grieve it would be something huge. It always amazes me how in life the things never thought of always makes an appearence in reminder of letting you know it can happen, that not anything is impossible to happen. Picking out the sweet from the bitter sweet, that is what I took with me from that day forward, that in life there is not anything that is impossible, that not anything is off limits to happen in your life to help you grow as much as you can, to blossom in to all you need to be.
Grieving is a special gift we bare, in grieving we are brought to so many of changes that soon we come so accustomed to change that nothing is something we fear. We get the new slate to create our life over, to build a life in a new glorifying, beautiful way we ever could of thought of before. The second time around allows us to grow in the knowledge of all of our dreams, to build our life into those exact dreams we have had for so long. Once the pain, darkness have dropped it is replaced by dreams, love, fearlessness. Although in grieving there are things you feel ten times more then you had before. It's as though your feelings, emotions, love, all expload in to an explosive, more vibrant way then before. So sometimes to us that grieve the feeling we feel lasts more then to others that don't. All this could be for the better, as well as the worse. For me on this day it was for both but mostly a lesson was found in it no matter how hard it was.
All lessons to us are lessons that are there for a reason, thing's don't happen for no reason, it's not about bad luck, good luck, it's about being able to grow to the measures we need to for our soul, for our life story we live. It is in it all we learn to become the best person we can be, to find our purpose in lessons that come our way.
I still find it funny to think of all the things that have happened in knowing that these moments are built specifically for my journey, that maybe it hasn't happened to others for that reason, in all my moments they were a lesson for me, so others moments in life could never be the same due to all of us being different with each our very own purpose. Moments in your life were purposely designed to fit you, for you. So through the hardest of moments it is up to us all to unwrap to find out, to understand fully why we have been chosen for the moments that come our way. From the bad to the good, even in the bad there is a light that waits for you to find.
Grieving is the most unknown journey i've ever been on. Through it you will see so many twists and turns, yet it is in the learning you find the way to make it in the brief straight paths you go down. Grieving becomes a stepping stone you use to making steps higher and higher in life, that you soon discover it has taken you even higher then where you were before. In it all you find yourself in a place you have never before been, in that place you see it is a place you've always imagined you wanted to be. Take the time to understand in each moment your given why you have been presented with the moment. Use the moments to lift you higher, let them be your stair way to a level growing you higher and higher each time. Don't see moments for good nor bad, see them as platforms to lift you higher then where you were before.
So in my moment it was a regular normal day to me, it was a birthday celebration, so family as well as friends were all around, it was a wonderful day, we gathered at a restaurant to celebrate my step fathers birthday. We sat around chatting, laughing, having good times. As I looked acrossed the table I could see my aunts face, it was though it turned to a sheet of nothing but white, in her expression you could see something was wrong, I remember asking her yet it was let go in all the commotion. As I looked around the restaurant watching others enjoying, I came across a table where I immediately had to keep taking a second look. In every second glance I could feel a feeling of nothing but tingles from head to toe. Quickly I looked back to my aunt where she knew I had just seen what she did earlier not wanting to tell me. All of me felt that there was nothing more I wanted to do but look at this man at the table behind us. Understanding it is not polite to stare, yet in that moment it was not to be applied. Seeing this mans face was a comfort to my heart, it was all I wanted to do. If I could stay to watch him for the rest of the night I would of. This man was a twin to my husband passed. After the comforting sensation wore off a little, then came the sadness, trying to not let others know what was happening, they soon found out. Everyone was now looking, this poor man probably felt the world was out for him on that day. Getting away is what I had to do, it was in the bathroom looking in the mirror I understood that in these moments you can either let yourself take steps back or use it to move forward, to understand that anything in life is possible, knowing through it all we come to realise we can make it through, no matter what presents itself to us, in us all is the will to move forward through it, learning, growing, blossoming.
On this day I saw my husband passed, although I knew it was not him, that no one will ever be him, no one could be him there is only one of us all. Seeing this man was a comfort to my heart, it was as though on that day my husband passed was letting me know that no matter how much I miss him, to not to, that he is every where. That every where I am he will be, our love will be forever, our love along with memories will always be around every where that I go.
Another thing I started to understand was not to look for him in others, that there will never be another like him. No matter how much the resemblance it will still never be him. The looks may be there but his heart will never be.
After the story of this day, it was others that told me they to seen my husband passed in another, all little reminders that my husband passed is every where, every where my heart goes, every where our love made an impression. Our love made an impact in this world, so it will be every where I look I will always see him. Remebering this day now it brings a smile to my face, remembering my aunt as well as mother wanting to take a picture of this man, laughing in realising how this poor man must of been wondering "what the hell was going on", to thinking "these people are crazy". I remember how all of me just wanted to jump in his lap, to just wanting to stay and stare. All of the remembering reminds me the complete comfort my heart felt seeing my husband passed in a complete stranger.
NOTE TO ALL: In all that is brought to our life it is up to us how we face it. It is in us all no matter what to rise above all lessons given to our life, to use the lessons as a stair case leading us higher and higher in to the life we choose to build up. Use the lessons to lift you higher, use it all to reach so far beyond the clouds. Understand that anything is reachable, you just have to build in that direction. Find it in you to rise to every occasion, to keep getting back up, to understand that sometimes it takes a little bit more time getting back up yet as long as you keep getting back up is what matters the most. Each step up is a step of strength, each step up is a dream come true. The higher you build the closer you are to all the dreams that you have. It's in the moments we find out truly who we are. It's where we find our strength, our love, our beautiful life. It's in it all we find out just where we want to be. We find out in the little moments are where the biggest of lessons are learned. Celebrate the little to the big because in it all is a victory of your life your building in achievement to your dreams, your goals, your purpose.
In the crowd of those that truly love you there is not anything you can not handle. To bless yourself to be with those that love you the truest is what will always conquer the darkness you face. It was on that day I was surrounded by complete love that carried me through the moment of such great impact to my heart. Your heart will always let you know those who love you honestly.

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About the Author

BLOGGER FOR ALL GRIEVING ON THE JOURNEY TO WRITING A BOOK "Spouse to Angels in the City" Widow for 11 months also mother of a beautiful little girl http://widowinthecity.blogspot.com

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