A Love Letter to my Father Regarding our Never-to-be-Broken Bond

After my father took his life five years ago, I was completely devastated and broken. I cried rivers of tears until my eyes were so swollen that I could barely open them. For a few days following his death I hallucinated that birds were flying around in my house---and I was not on drugs.

After the initial shock wore off a bit, I went through all the stages of grief again and again. I think I will always be going through grief in smaller ways throughout my life.

At some point, about 3 ½ years later, when I could think once again about the good memories of my dad, this poem just flowed out of me on Christmas Eve.

Usually holidays are the hardest times without my father, but I believe I became more grateful for him after his death than before.

The poem is not about my father’s death, but instead, celebrates the bond of love that we had and still have to this day. I know that he will always be alive inside of my heart.

We have all come of age, loved and lost and had people who heavily influenced us in unimaginably wondrous ways through acts of incredible caring and kindness. My father is still teaching me these lessons of life in tender ways---This one’s for you Dad.

Lazy Daisy Days with You

Fields of daisy chains you made me, I will not soon forget

You and I on flower filled lawns, sharing our tête à têtes

In my hair, round my neck and wrists you placed delicate leis

Treasures only for me, Bloom by Bloom, Day by Day

Adorning your daughter, Year by Year

After my birth, your love never veered

Tiny white flowers; our secret watch keeping by time by the seasons

My love flourished for you, for so many reasons

Day by Day not a worry, lazy in meadows, daisies abounded

Petal-graced breezes passed swiftly by, no warning bell sounded

Yet soon I grew older; life moving along

Many tears were shed when I left, but my heart was strong

All those gifts made from love and the time that you gave me

Bloomed deep inside my heart as a field of daisies

Year by Year, you filled me with incredible strength

Now prepared for my life, to face it at length

Daisy chains never bound me, but instead set me free

Woven in flower leis, so precious, was your present to me

Like a beautiful flower’s end, sadly you faded

All sunny days were at once darkly shaded

My heart left so, so heavy

Deluges of tears poured over thick eyelash levees

Daisy chains can’t be frozen in time, I dismay

Left with nothing in hand to hold what I was given those days

Every flower you strung has wilted, alas

But loving lessons endure; throughout time they shall last

Now every summer, more gifts are revealed

Through your sweetest whispers within daisy fields

Hushed words understood, Bloom by Bloom, Day by Day

Now, once again, I am making my way

Again keeping time with flowers, as you lovingly taught

Holding close what once was ours, touching every thought

Hearts ever entwined by daisy chains that empower

Still your love flowers inside of me, Hour by Hour

Love Always and Forever,  Your Daughter Laura Hornby Kutney