Suffer or Serve: Coming Out the Other Side of Grief

Out of nowhere, it hits us. A loss, a tragedy. While on autopilot we wonder through the fog of shock, disbelief, anger, sadness and fear. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe this happened?" "How do I pick up the pieces and move forward?" "Where do I even begin?" "Why, why, why?" "I can't do this alone?" "What could I have done differently?" "I will never know what would have happened?" "I never got to say goodbye?" "I never got to say I'm sorry." "I will never get back to where I was?" "What now?"

What are we to do with all of the confusing and painful thoughts, emotions and questions? The process of grieving is a complicated, difficult and individualistic journey. In this article, I propose a perspective for you to consider. How we decide to tell our story concerning our grief might be our best chance of success for coming out the other side mentally, emotional and spiritually healthy in the shortest time possible.

First, we can choose to tell our story whereby we continue the suffering for a longer period of time. I by no means infer that we get over it quickly, minimize our loss or even forget the memory. It is about how we decide to make sense of what happened in such a way that we view our selves as a victim within the story. We feel powerless day by day, we focus on the questions regarding our loss and remain stuck in the confusion of our pain. Unfortunately, this adversely affects the ones who love us as they helplessly watch us disconnect and drift away due to the agony of our inner suffering.

Many people struggle with relentless waves of guilt, shame, embarrassment and other types of painful thoughts and emotions. They give their power away and get so lost in their story, they lose their perspective and can't find their way out. They put on a shield of armor, become defensive to protect their suffering, numb their pain and disconnect from living in the present. After the untimely death of my little brother, my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and passed a few years later. I truly believe, the grief he suffered because of his story, was a prime cause for his cancer.

The second choice is being mindful to make sense of our story in such a way as to maintain our personal power. In essence, once we have moved through the shock of our trauma, we may choose an empowered meaning for our story that inspires us to serve and love our self and others. What I mean by this is to allow the lessons of our tragedy to become the seeds of our triumph. We can do this by taking intentional action steps to honor who or what was lost and then being proactive to face the realities of the present in order to open the door of possibility.

A key point for this second option is most of the time the process of making sense of grief is the awareness that there is no sense to be made of. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes we can't always explain the "why" in a nice neat package. Sometime we have to give ourselves the permission to adopt the mantra, "It is what it is." And then we have to trust that GOD or our chosen high power has a grand plan for us that we are not aware of yet and find inner peace with letting go of trying to make any more sense than that.

When we can let go of the need to "have to" make sense of our grief, we free ourselves from the weight of a thousand question marks dancing in our head, choking off our heart and numbing our spirit. But, if we continue to focus inner ward, we will struggle as a victim in our story, search for the answers to unanswerable questions, and continue to flood ourselves to the point where we loose more than the original lose. It is our choice!

We all face times of immense challenges in our lives. It could be the loss of a husband, a child, a parent or a relationship. It could be the loss of a dream, a job or all of our money. Whatever the loss, the shortest and most healthy way through to the other side is to be mindful of how we make sense or don't make sense of our story. This empowers us to live in the now, to be grateful for what is, to focus on giving freely, to offering and accepting forgiveness and finally, having faith that our true purpose and authentic self will be provided by serving and loving ourselves and others.

2014 - All rights reserved - Glenn Cohen - I & WE Coaching

Glenn Cohen is an acclaimed coach, speaker and author. His practice encompasses Life, Marriage, Divorce and Business counseling. Glenn also conducts workshops, speeches and seminars for companies, civic, religious organizations and other associations on how to help people live authentically, with a peaceful soul while enjoying empowered loving relationships at home, at work, and within the self.

Glenn resides in Charleston, South Carolina, where he runs his private coaching practice. You may contact him at 843-852-9828 or his website, http://www.iandwecoaching.com