I have written many articles with the intention of healing those whom read them. This article has that very intention as well. If anything written within this article challenges your Faith or Beliefs, please know that is never my intention. I am absolutely respectful of the Faith and Beliefs of others.
Spring awakens with the dawn of a new day. A new day that I get up and try to feel for my existence. It doesn't come. I'm here but I am not. Twenty eight months. I've come a long way but yet not so far. My needs are small in comparison but simplistically impossible. I want to see your beautiful face. Your twinkling eyes. Your quirky smile.
The season has ended. Blossoms of purples and whites fill my sight. I pass through the fields of heather and look beyond the sea. A peacefulness settles in the misty dew surrounding my body and filling my senses. I am with someone. A beautiful feeling of pure and abundant love emanates sparkles of light that reach deep within my soul. It is my son. He reaches for my hand and helps me up.
It's been seven months. I have to remind myself to breathe. It's the space between the breath, where time stops and everything is still. You can actually feel the blood pulsating through your veins as your body wakes with silent tremors from the cascading tears silently flowing from your eyes. Seven months. How does my heart still beat after holding my breath for so many months.
Suffocating in grief.
There comes a time when you are faced with the most simplistic and most challenging decisions of your life.
When grief has become so complicated with overtones of how sweet peace would look like in the stillness of the darkest black you ever saw.... defeat rears it's ugly truth blinding you from the light.....death.
How do I live without you? That's a question that rings in my head 24 hours 7 days per week. I feel like people are tired of my influx of mental instability. Even my counselors. My head and heart are stuck. The stop button is frozen, ceased to a solid singular event. That day. That day robbed me, it blindsided me, from whence there is no return. Nothing.