A Gift...Only Borrowed | The Grief Toolbox

Trying to find a path through the maze of chaos of a new baby caught in the confines of a cold hospital, I tried desperately to keep those other parts of my life prioritized, particularly with two young children at home who were eager to meet their new sister. Those toddlers’ lives didn’t slow down and neither did paying the bills, changing jobs, managing the household, finding babysitters, and making sure everyone was fed; all of which tugged constantly at my heart, my time, and my wallet. Life had found a new set of tracks to negotiate and without many tools around to help.

Attempting to pull all the pieces of this puzzle together, I had to find a way forward through the darkness, helplessness, loneliness, noise, and the inevitability of burying a young baby girl way too soon. A blossoming new faith opened a few doors for refreshment, and it helped transition through this myriad of tests which had smashed into my life all at once.

The deep marks left on parents’ hearts and lives are undeniable and unavoidable. Does my story bring easy answers to resolve this story? No. I never did find the manual. My story may give someone else taking that unfortunate, but necessary trip, a road map that may help equip them to better survive their own journey.

“A little girl came into this world a little flawed, fought bravely for four long months, but came up a little shy.” A gift…only borrowed.

About the Author

I am a first-time author who has been married to my wife for over forty years. Together, we have two grown children and seven grandchildren. I grew up outside of Detroit, Michigan and began bagging groceries in a local supermarket while in high school. After college, I moved to Columbus, Ohio where I met my wife and our children were born - all of whom remain adamant Ohio State Buckeye fans!

After spending a few years in grocery store management, I became a buyer for a small grocery chain. Soon after, we moved to Fort Wayne, Indiana where I became a buyer for a much larger grocery wholesaler. Following the grocery industry trends, we moved to Cincinnati, Ohio in 1993 where I finished my career as president of a large food broker that focused on sales and marketing solutions for a national grocery chain and our clients’ many consumer brands.

Since retiring, I enjoy playing golf whenever the weather allows, cling tightly to our grandchildren and all their activities. I enjoy reading, many different genres of music, writing, and cooking. I am a member of the Warren County Ohio Writer’s Workshop where I have contributed various forms of short written works that tested and challenged my writing skills while constantly learning new ones. I was also a reporter for the Warren County Career Center and Senior Center.

Thirty years ago, I began jotting down fragments of a story about living through the death of one of my children. In 2016, I began shaping those bits and pieces into a more complete story. I wrote this book for personal reasons but hoped someday my family might read it as well. Early into the process, I wondered if my story might help other families that were experiencing many of the same challenges.

Early on, I realized that writing and independently publishing my first book felt like stepping into a new Stream: quite brisk at first, rapidly rushing past, deeper than expected, and rather formidable to navigate, but also - very refreshing. I found learning all the skills necessary to write, format, proof, edit, copyright, and develop a cover design, were very exciting, somewhat strenuous, and extremely exhilarating.

“I’ve heard that everyone probably has at least one good book in them. I’m not sure that is true in my case, but I do have an important story to tell.” – Kirk Spencer

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