They don’t know

Don’t tell me that you know how I feel, because you don’t have the slightest clue,  and you never had to watch your entire world die right in front of you.

I know you might mean well, but those words won’t bring me any comfort, because the only time I felt okay was when I held her hand, and right now I don’t need anyone else telling  me that god had a bigger plan.

Maybe one day I’ll come to find that they were right, but for now, please let me cry, because I’m too proud to admit they were right when they said that only the good  and young are the first to die.

I was hoping that she’d prove them wrong, but the odds never lasted in her favor, and this time the doctors just couldn’t save her.

She defied them for so long, and I guess I should be thankful that I got to keep her for as long as I was given, but when you lose the world you once revolved around 

How the hell can you keep on living?

What happens when the sun stops rising, and the clouds refuse to part, what the hell am I supposed to do with this broken heart?

How can you learn how to do something that you were never told or taught, and how can you remember to count your blessings when you’ve lost the only one you ever got.

What do I do when dreams of you are the only ones that I ever have, because every time I wake back up, they only make me sad.

That’s why I stay up too late, and sleep through every single alarm, because you can protect them from every thing but self harm.

How can you save yourself from jumping, after you’ve seen your biggest hero crying  helpless on the floor, and how can you save them when the doctors say that they can’t do anything more.

What do you say when the strongest one you know tells you that they’re tired of fighting, and the heart in your chest begins to tighten.

What do you do next when you’ve already rhymed every word you could and they still can’t understand how much you care, and how can you stop missing them when you see their face everywhere?

She used to tell me that the faster I fell asleep, would be the faster I’d awake, and when I used to pray it was my soul that I asked god to take.

But I haven’t spoken  to him in a while, and sometimes, I mess up the words in that very same prayer,  because lately my mind is scattered every where.

Yesterday while I was stopped at a light a car behind mine beeped for me to go,because , I wasn’t paying attention when it turned green,  because I was wondering where you are and if the grass up in heaven is really  more green.

Because they told me it isn’t any brighter on the other side of the fence, but that’s something I refuse to believe, because we don’t know that for sure until we leave.

I hope that it is, because the lawns down here are so overgrown, and you’re not here to pick out the weeds, and every time I see your name, my heart bleeds.

If I should die of a broken heart, I hope the angels make an exception, and let me through that gate, because I forgot to tell her she was my everything, and I waited too late.

I don’t know how long it’ll be until I’ll get to see her again, but in the meantime I hope the angels remind her how to love, because she hated her reflection, and I hope there’s no mirrors up above.

Because they all lied to her when she stared back  at herself, because while everyone saw their reflection, all she ever saw was disgust, and they made her hate herself so fucking much.

I hope she never gets thirsty, and when she eats, I hope it never comes back up or makes her sick,  because even if we got to choose our parents, it’s her I’d still pick.

Before I go, there’s only one more thing that I need to say, please tell them to put my ashes with hers when I go away.