Tiernan's Legacy

   My son only got to stay here a short time.  He spent nine months inside of me, learning everything about me as I learned everything about him-just as I had my daughters.  He tried so hard to make it to the hospital but his heart just couldn't beat one more time, although mine tried to beat for his....It has been almost two years since that fateful summer day in june and some days I swear the pain is worse than it was then, it bends me over into the floor.  I let it take me down because I know that I have to bear it.  Pain is just pain if it is felt but if it is fought or ignored it will become anguish. So I let the pain take me until it subsides, like a wave, and ebbs away.  After the pain comes a quiet time when I have relief and I can relish in the memory of my sweet boy. In all the memories of him within me and in the memories of him for the short time without.  Other days I feel strong and motivated and I work towards being the person I want to be.  The person my son and daughters can be proud of and my daughters can strive to emulate.  

 Then I have the days that are blissfully numb and then the days full of questions. Anyone who has lost a child understands the days full of questions.  You eventually question everything, no matter your background, what experiences, you will inevitably question the whole world and more in your search for answers.

  I don't have answers to any of these questions.  No one does and no one ever will. However, the only thing I can offer is a form of beauty in the pain.  It is amazing that you have survived and somewhere in your surviving you must feel the presence of your lost child within you.  No child would ever come for such a short time just to fleetingly disappear.  They left a legacy more powerful than any hero in history or movie, any leader, any dignitary.  Someone's a person no matter how tiny and the smallest eddies make the biggest tidal waves.  That tiny hand has touched Gods cheek in your honor and your name. So in your grief, let a petal of hope and peace float onto your lake of tears, and let the eddies from that petal create a tidal wave in your life.