Dealing with Anger and “Why’s”

Anger in grief, whether generalized, towards someone who may have contributed to the loss of a loved or towards God is a very common human reaction.  Frankly, it would be strange if you weren’t angry. You’re angry because you loved them and wanted them to stay close to you always. Selfish maybe, but normal and human. 

In anger towards God (probably the most common) it is important to know that God did not make your loved one sick, neither did He kill them as a direct act.  It is not punishment or a test. The fact is, some bad things happen by chance, others because of another's doing, sometimes even because of our own carelessness. 
Yes, God holds life and death in His hands, but we will never be satisfied with whatever answer He gives us for the untimely death of a loved one. Why? Because for those of us left behind there can never be an appropriate time or reason …

When a sky diver's parachute doesn't open, we realize that mechanical things don't always work the way they should and sometimes people die as a result. When a person talks on a cell phone while driving, or becomes otherwise distracted and run into the back of a parked vehicle, we realize that careless can kill us. When an innocent person is shot or killed in a road accident due to someone else’s negligence, we realize that another person's act can kill us. When we by chance, come in contact with a contagious disease, we realize that such encounters can kill us. All of us are in a kind of "life lottery", where we really don't know how or when we will die. We live in a world where sometimes things just happen. At times God might extend life, but sooner or later, we all must die. How do you know God didn't answer your prayer by giving your loved one a few extra months, they otherwise without your prayer, would not have gotten?

So how should we handle anger towards God? Get real with Him!

•           Firstly remember: It's OK to be angry with God
•           Talk to God while you’re angry with Him: we can’t hide our anger from Him
•           Don’t bottle it up: put your anger out there and get things resolved
•           It's OK to be honest with other people when you're angry with God
The prophet Jeremiah was angry with God, and he wrote about it in his prophecy. People have been reading what he wrote for two and a half thousand years. And God, apparently, didn't mind him being honest about it. God can cope with it.  Our relatives and friends may not cope with our anger, but know that God can.
•           Finally: allow God to comfort you - listen for what He says to your heart

However, anger (no matter who it is aimed at) should never be allowed to fester or turn into hatred.  Ultimately, unchecked, it will only make our pain worse.  Hate destroys the hater, not the hated. Anger, whilst serving as an “outlet”, if nurtured will only add to pain and prevent inner healing.

What we see in this world is a temporary state of things.  Yes, in our grief this world feels like eternal torture - I know this first-hand. I am currently overwhelmed by the loss of my beloved, but one day when this life is over we will face eternity either way and life on earth will be a drop in the bucket.  This knowledge does not take our present pain away, but we have the opportunity to one day be reunited with our loved ones and live an eternity with them and God if we make the right choices now.  Death is not the end.  There is hope!  We can choose.

If you are concerned about whether a departed loved one made it to heaven and worry you may not see them if you get there: remember, we cannot know what happened in those last moments between them and God.  God is merciful and fights for each and every one of our souls even in our final moments.  For me personally, I do not want to gamble with eternal happiness.  I am going to see my honey again one day and spend eternity exploring heaven with him in God's presence!!

Grief is complicated. Living on is hard.  Sometimes just finding the will to want to try is hard. We feel misunderstood and judged. The pain is terrible and impossible to explain to someone who has not gone through it themselves – yet another added frustration!  Others are smiling while you are crying and you find yourself resenting their happiness. We have to deal with all the overwhelming extremes of emotions.  I fight all of these daily. Accept your anger as normal, but keep it in perspective.  We need to nurture and cultivate the good and above all be kind to ourselves!   

With all my love and concern for all.