Living reality in slow-motion

I know that in heaven you have no sense of time. Time is fleeting, one long day filled with joy, peace, love and laughter.  I am happy that you graduated my love. So happy that you feel no pain, heartache, despair or disappointment – only love and God’s eternal peace and presence.

But back here on earth everything moves in slow-motion since you left.  Every day without you is so very long and lonely.  And like a road-trip to an unknown destination it appears never-ending because I don’t know how long it will be before I see you again.

Every day I wake up with a fresh realization that you are no longer with me.  I go through the day and all the time in the back of my mind these lines loop over and over: “my honey is no longer with me, he won’t be there when I get home tonight. He won’t kiss me goodnight and tuck me in”.

Christmas Day will be here soon and I have to face it without you.  I will spend it away with family this year instead of just you and me. It breaks my heart to know that you will be absent from my Christmases for the rest of my life on earth. 

How does one begin to get your head and heart around such a terrible reality?
How am I supposed to live without you when we promised we’d be there for each other, that as long as we had each other we’d be ok?  Now you’re gone and since you left nothing is ok anymore.  The road ahead seems impossibly long and painful.

All I can do is remind myself that you now exist in total peace, love and happiness. I have to trust that God holds my tomorrows and will get me through. He has numbered my days and marked the day of our reunion.  One day we will be together again…