Widows - Write, Right Now!

Ready? Set? Go...find that pen, pencil, keyboard and get to work. James Pennebaker, PhD conducts fascinating research on the power of writing to heal. Yes, to heal. His original research on writing and healing from trauma suggested you only need to write for 4 days, 20 minutes a day to receive some easing of the pain from trauma. Shoot, that's 80 minutes total. I can play Draw Something or Words with Friends for more than 80 minutes without blinking an eye. And, I can attest that there's no real potential for healing from those activities.

Not one of us would disagree that losing a spouse is a traumatic event, so why not give this exercise a try? If writing for 20 minutes over a 4 day period has been documented as increasing well-being, we have nothing to lose.

I am going to add a few constraints to this "assignment " (there's always a bit of a hitch). I have morphed some of the research findings and as a result I am suggesting the following: to suggest the following:

1. Write about your loss from the standpoint of being a seasoned widow/widower providing advice for someone newly widowed. The research is pretty clear that just venting, spewing or whining is not as constructive as taking a more objective approach to personal trauma.

2. Get your materials ready and set a timer for 20 minutes. Sit down and write to your new widow friend for 20 minutes. No judgement. When you are finished, put your work away and get ready for tomorrow's writing time. Repeat for 3 days. Making sure that your critical gremlin, or Grammar Nazi is no where to be found. Just write.

3. After your 4 days of writing is over, assess how you feel. Do a gut check. Question if there was any "downside" to this exercise. If not, think about how this could be a new part of a daily ritual for you. Heavens knows most of us widows spend plenty of time obsessing about our loss, how about setting aside some time for constructive re-framing?

There a lovely journals available now. A trip to the office supply store is fun to find that special pen or pencil to use in a fun and constructive way. There's also plenty of random pieces of paper waiting to be filled by your insights. Whatever your personal style, go ahead, explore.

Blogging resources are everywhere on the internet. When I began this blog in 2007 there didn't appear to be lots of widow blogs online. Now it seems that many widows are blogging. Check out WordPress, or Google's Blogger these resources are free and very easy to work with. Blog designs are now very user friendly. Try something new, you deserve to be distracting from your loss in a positive way.

Write with the idea that this is part of your journey toward healing. Write things that you have not talked about. One of my favorite healing exercises is to hold "burning rituals" where I burn my writing and then save the ashes to work into the soil in my garden. (No wonder I love the Phoenix as a symbol).

After loss, so many of us keep the memories, images, and feelings locked away. Why not release them to the cosmos? Why not let go of those images that seem forever burned into our brains? Why not share those images with a safe Imaginary Widow Friend with the hope that by doing so we both will be healed.

Go ahead....try it...4 days less than 80 minutes total.

Feel free to share with us your results!