Rewriting your life after child loss

This November will be three years since losing my 17 year old son Brian in a car accident. The first year was such a fog for me. I spent that year just surviving. Getting through the hard months of prom, receiving his college acceptances letters, senior activities Brian missed, accepting Brian's high school diploma, watching his friends at graduation and trying to figure out how I go on without my son.

 

I'm not quite sure when it turned around for me. But, at some point, I was determined to figure it out and continue to be his mother in this new life. When I made the decision to allow the light to come in and ignite the dark room I was living in I was able to see that this journey, although excruciating and never ending, would not defeat me. I am Brian's mom, I had to figure it out. That started with accepting that the old me died the day Brian passed and a new me was born and being okay with that. Accepting this new life and grief does not mean I've accepted Brian's death. I'm still working on that and it may never come and that's okay. He's my boy, so I make no apologies for not accepting his death. But, I have accepted that my life can continue with love and beauty it had when Brian was here with me as much as I have accepted that my life is filled with forever tears and a broken heart.  

 

Unfortunately, 

we don't always have control over things that happen in our life. But it's how we handle it from there that we get to choose. Even though a new life doesn't ever take the pain away, it can still be beautiful. So rewrite your life. Make it the best it can be now. Live your life is for you and your child, much like you did when your child was here with you. I owe it to Brian to keep pushing through. To keep helping others. To keep healing. To keep grieving. To honor Brian's life. To always #doitforbrian