Using the Unconscious Mind To Cope With The Death Of A Loved One

Most people are unaware of the role of the unconscious mind in dealing with life's problems. This is especially true when coping with the death of a loved one. Yet, the deepest part of the self can provide a wealth of wisdom for dealing with loss. It can implement new ideas, change attitudes, and find ways to meet the challenges of life without the physical presence of the loved one.

To begin with, the unconscious has a long history of providing flash insights, great inspiration, new beliefs, and many discoveries. Once more, it makes numerous decisions about our physiology 24 hours a day without our awareness. Regrettably, many have been programmed to believe that only a special few have been blessed with this great gift for personal development. Not so.

In fact, everyone has a deep inner mind in which much information lies which can help deal with anything life has to offer. For example, are you aware of the unconscious assumptions and beliefs you hold, gathered early in life, that affect how you deal with any aspect of existence? These habit formed beliefs are hardly acknowledged, yet they are expressed in much of our behavior which hurts rather than helps.

And where do those "light bulb solutions" come from that suddenly pop into our minds? From the intuitive wisdom that lies within. Here is how can we use the unconscious treasure trove to deal with needs when doing our grief work?

1. First, acknowledge that the unconscious helps bring to bear whatever you consistently feed it. The key word here is "consistently." Thus, if you constantly tell yourself and imagine that you have no future, your life is ruined, or you cannot cope with your great loss, be assured your inner workhorse will make every effort to bring forth those grim circumstances. On the other hand, break through the negative perception of your present conditions, with proactive expectations, and they will be a focus of the unconscious mind. This takes concerted effort.

2. Self-motivation is behind all successful grief work. Therefore, with strong intent, change limiting beliefs about your ability to cope well. Beliefs are the bedrock of everything we do. Become aware of the negative programming behind your present behaviors and choose to change beliefs that are an impediment to adapting to your new normal.

Once you isolate such beliefs, you can then introduce new behaviors and routines to cope well, consistently practice them, and remind yourself to use them. Gradually you will shift from negative to positive results through the inner self. Here is how to begin.

3. As with anything in life you set out to accomplish, counting on your unconscious mind to help cope with loss demands a 100% commitment. Nothing less will do. Desire to truly cope with the changes you face, as hard as it seems. Accept that you can't change the past. Recognize that the task of influencing your unconscious is not a few weeks commitment. We are talking many months of daily self-talk (which you do every day, often without full awareness) and creative imaging work to impress your inner mind with the pictures of how you wish to live life.

Unrelenting inner resolve will heavily influence results. This is a choice only you can make and becomes a great challenge to your patience as time goes on. Start by vowing not to give your attention to anything that does not deserve it.

4. Remember, the unconscious mind responds best when you can give it a clear detailed image of how you specifically wish to cope and run your life. Create a plan. See yourself over and over again responding in detail when dealing with a given situation. For example, if you are highly anxious about taking over the bill paying and settling the estate, see yourself asking friends about financial consultants, finding the right expert, receiving the needed input, and carrying through with a job well done.

5. In addition to imaging, the second essential response is to add specific affirmative statements. No generalizations. Always begin with the personal pronoun "I." "I am capable of searching for a job." "I have the ability to see my way through this sad time by using the needed skill of refocusing." Make up your own affirmative statements that are most specific and meaningful to you and keep pounding them home. Don't allow the simplicity of using affirmations cause you to dismiss it as a tool for growth through your great loss.

You are creating new habits of thought with affirmations. Their repetition will change your attitude. Also, feel what it would be like to experience success. Focus heavily on this feeling. Believe that you can change. When success comes to pass, celebrate your progress, and then start on the next task. All of this is inner communication you can control.

In summary, coping well involves reprograming old unconscious beliefs and introducing new ones that will help you adapt to your great loss. You possess the inner wisdom to initiate new behaviors to manage change. This transition depends on four critical factors: (1) Great desire and commitment to change; (2) Vividly imaging the belief in the form of a specific behavior; the more vivid the image, the better the results; (3) Using an affirmation silently or out load in support of desired behavior; and (4) Keep imaging and affirming on a consistent basis each day for months. You possess the ability to grow through loss.

Dr. LaGrand is a grief counselor and the author of eight books, the most recent, Healing Grief, Finding Peace: 101 Ways to Cope with the Death of Your Loved One. He is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (after-death communication phenomena) and was the founding President of Hospice & Palliative Care of the St. Lawrence Valley, Inc. His monthly ezine-free website is http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com.