Often times in my journey there is a common question that comes up. What about their ashes? I don't want to share their ashes is that okay? I want to share their ashes in numerous places is that okay? I just can't seem to part with their ashes and I feel like I am not honoring their wishes, what do I do?
The answer to these questions is, there is absolutely no wrong way of handling their ashes in any way that makes you happy. Now, let me explain.
Those ashes that you have from your loved one in heaven are not the very essence of them. The ashes are of what once housed their soul. I like to use the car analogy and so here it is.
Our bodies that we are born with in life I like to refer to as like a car. Our souls enter into that car (body) in the moment that we are conceived to be the driver of that car. We spend time in that car. That car helps us to travel in all that we do in life. Sometimes our car breaks down. Sometimes we have to change the tires on our car or in human terms have a surgery or two. All the while that we are driving our car around in life, our soul is untouched by all that we do because it is simply perfect within us. As our car gets old and simply cannot continue in this world. Or perhaps our car has an accident of sorts that makes it incapable of continuing on the road in life. We simply step out of the car. Our souls are simply Untouched by are passing no matter how tragic that passing is, we simply step out of the car with out complete perfection. I know that you have fallen in love with that car. You have fallen in love with the cars that others drive around you as well. But, remember that it truly isn't the car that you love so much but the driver in the seat.
Now I want to take you back to the subject of the ashes. Those ashes represent the car that housed your loved one's soul in life. But it really is not your loved one within that urn. They are with you in spirit always. They are loving you and watching over you very much alive in spirit. They are vibrant and perfect in every way. So what do you do with their ashes? I say you do whatever you'd like and they encourage you to do the same. If it makes you happy to hold on to their ashes forever then, you do that. If you want to travel the world and spread their ashes in places that you dreamed of traveling with them in life then you do that and they will absolutely travel with you in spirit as you do. If there are family members who desperately want a part of their ashes and you just can't seem to part with them then you simply don't have to. But, also know how proud they will be of you if you find it in your heart to share those ashes for the comfort of others. You're truly not splitting them up in any way by sharing those ashes with other people. You see their soul is incapable of being separated from you.
And now I have to tell you my story about how we spread Kenny's ashes. For those of you who may be new to my page, Kenny is my husband and my best friend and brother who passed to heaven in a motorcycle accident. He was our best man in our wedding and he is the closest thing to perfection that you could have ever had in a friend. When Kenny passed, no one expected it. But when we went to do his memorial motorcycle run in honor of him you could see how loved Kenny was in this world. There was a line of over a hundred motorcycles revved up and ready to honor Kenny in a bike run. My husband Jim and I were on one of the motorcycles that led the front of the pack. Just before we took off, one of our good friends Ralph walked up to me and asked if I would do the honors of spreading Kenny's ashes along the Run. Of course I said yes. As we took off, we were like thunder going down the road. We didn't have a police escort and we truly didn't need one because a few of our guys would run up ahead in red lights and stop traffic with their bikes. No one was worried about a ticket because we were honoring Kenny. I continually reached into the bag of ashes with my hand and held my hand up and let them catch the wind as we rode. Our run was going to be between three of Kenny's favorite bars. The first stop was going to be Pub and Grub bar in Chandler Arizona. As we all rolled in to the parking lot of the bar, I placed my hand on my husband's shoulder so that I could swing my leg over and off of the motorcycle. We were all wearing black shirts that honored Kenny's memory with his picture on the front. Only I had just put the perfect shape of a handprint with Kenny's ashes upon my husband's shoulder. I remember thinking to myself, oh my gosh! I just got Kenny all over Jim's shirt! And just before I reached over to brush it off I realized that Kenny was now on my husband's shoulder and that's right where he belonged that day and so I left the ash filled hand print on his shoulder. Moments later as I turned around, I saw one of our very close friends named Hillbilly stomping up to us from behind. He had ridden just behind us in the pack. As hillbilly got closer to us, it looked as though he had gotten into some dirt or something because his face was a mess with dust. I'll never forget the words that hillbilly said to us as he stomped up with his dirty face, "Well!!! That was a MESSED Up Way To Figure Out What A Brother Tastes Like!!" Hahahhahaa it was all we could do not to fall on the floor laughing in that moment with Hillbilly standing in front of us, his face covered in Kenny's ashe's from the trip behind us in the run. With Kenny's sense of humor in life, we knew that he was laughing right along side us! The boys had made an Urn for Kenny out of a motorcycle engine. They gave the Urn as a gift to Kenny's mom and she brought it to New York and had it buried because that's what she wanted to do with it. Of course we would have loved to see it sit out on display, but his mom's wishes were most important and if she wanted to bury his beautiful Urn then that was absolutely the best thing to do because this was about her peace as a mother. She gifted Jim and I with a small urn filled with Kenny's ashes and that Urn sits on our dresser to this day. There was also another small bag of Ashes that was shared with us as well. My husband took bullets and filled them with Kenny's ashes and made keychains on D-Rings for all of Kenny's brothers from the motorcycle shop to wear in honor of him. He even made a bullet filled with Kenny's ashes for Poop, Kenny's dog and we still have Poop to this day. Poop wears his dad's ashes on his collar in that bullet. I hope you found the love and laughter in this story that we did as we lived in life. Mistakes and all, we wouldn't have wanted to change a thing about sharing Kenny's ashes. There was no right or wrong way of doing anything with his ashes. But, oh boy, could we feel him there when we did.
I hope this answers some of your questions. Please know if your loved one had given you wishes for their ashes prior to their passing that you have not fulfilled, it truly is okay. They want you do do what it is that makes you happy when it comes to their ashes. Honor them in any way you see fit, but know all the while, there is no wrong way of doing it.