Forgiveness

Originnally posted in my blog 12/120/12 (www.iloveumore.com)

I sat down in these wee hours thinking I was going to write about one thing and as I sat here and let my thoughts sort themselves out, I learned real quick that God was pushing me in a different direction.

I've read a lot on forgiveness lately and am thankful that I have always been someone who believed that forgiveness is a gift to ourselves and not to the one you are forgiving...we do it to set ourselves free. But I also firmly believe that as a "believer" God commands us to forgive others, who am I to argue with God?

There are 3 simple principles that I refer to when I'm asking "why must I forgive?!"

1. God Commands it: When Peter asked Jesus how many times he must forgive his brother when they sin against him, Jesus' answer was clear.... "Seventy times seven."  Matthew 18:21-22

2. God's Example:  "I, even I, who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more." Isaiah 43:25

3. God's Power: Yes, God does ask us to sometimes do what seems impossible...even forgiving those that we have no idea how we will. He asks us knowing that we can do it with His power and love. "Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14

Verse 13 gets me every time..."forgive as I forgave you".....God forgave ME so that I can spend eternity in heaven with him and my precious Skylar, who I miss so much. How can I make a good argument to God about forgiveness when I read a verse like that?

I'm writing this for all of you who follow my blog and journey, so that you know, I have chosen to forgive the young man who was driving the night Skylar was killed. He was a friend of Skylar's and it was an accident. I could sit here for years and hate him and blame him and scream "why her and not him?!" But why stop at him, if I'm going to blame him I might as well blame God, as he really holds all the power, right? And at the end of all of this blaming and unforgiving what am I left with? Has Skylar been safely returned to my side and the past erased?

I choose to forgive, just as God forgave me and continues to forgive me daily as I sin and just as my Skylar would want me to. Those 2 reasons are good enough for me.

I choose to remember Sky's life and celebrate her and to not make her tragic death all that she was.  I'm reminded every second that I continue to breathe in this cruel world,  that she is protected, healthy, happy and safe for eternity - what better gift could I wish for this Christmas? Yes, I miss my baby beyond words, there aren't even words that exist for the pain I feel from missing her; but she is in the arms of Jesus forevermore and no one can ever harm her again. I can not wait to be where she is, and until then my life will be reflective of the love I have for her. I will live my life in her honor and I will make her proud.

I'm trying to learn to walk again without my legs. Losing a child is losing a part of yourself. Notice I didn't say "it's like losing a part of yourself", because it truly IS losing a part. So each day my journey continues, one painful step at a time. However, I have the promise from God that "ALL things work together for good, to those who love him and to those who are called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28

Thank you God for the reminder and promise that YOUR purpose is bigger and better than mine, and that someday it will all be reveled to us. Take care of my baby girl. You know the love that I have for her and you know the depth of my pain, use me as a light and give me purpose amidst this tragedy.

I love you more my sweet angel......