Thoughts About Loss

Why is it when someone you love dies that you replay years worth of memories in your head in a few hours remembering every word, every look, every emotion you felt and witnessed and yet you crave new memories that are no longer possible. You ring their phone just to hear their voicemail kick in and you crave to still speak to them -the phone rings and you think it may be them but it is not possible.

When you visit places you went to with them you expect to turn round and they will be behind you but they are no longer there. When there is a knock at the door you think it is them yet they can't knock. Their belongings fill your home as if they are still here yet they are not. The chair they sat in and the cup they used sit empty and you wish they were filled. When you go shopping you see food you would normally buy them or books or gifts they would like then you remind yourself I can't buy them now they are not here for me to give them.

Why is it every time a tune comes on it is either their favourite tune or a tune associated with a memory you had with them your heart sinks as they can no longer hear it and your memories weigh heavy in your soul Why is it you light candles say prayers and gaze at the stars outside feel the wind and think they may send a message- they may be there -is that feather on the ground a message- but yet their spirit is gone Why is it I post constant pics and words on Facebook and tag them yet they can't read my posts or like them.

I suppose the answer is HOPE & LOVE. Hope that the love that connected you both will allow you still to communicate feel see or hear the person even though they have passed. Hope love and memories are all I have left. Hope is the sunflower I am growing since you became ill I am waiting for the flower still to appear in a burst of yellow brightness that will signify a little light, a little hope that your spirit is still here but is at peace.

Love is the passion flower that is now spreading right across my garden fence heading for the home we shared memories in. RIP GBNF Steven Walsh — feeling thoughtful. <3