I Don't Like This New Life


Winter for the heart

When loss hits, our lives are upended. It seems that everything changes. We hear the term, "new normal." Often, however, we don't like this new life we're living. 


From the Grieving Heart:


I don't like this new life. I want a life with you back in it. I miss talking to you. I want to hear your voice -- not a voicemail, but your real voice. I want you here, now.


I get so frustrated, I want to scream. Yesterday, I did. I didn't even realize it. I let it rip, right in my bedroom. It felt so good, I screamed again, this time into my pillow. That felt good too, but not near as satisfying as letting it fill the air, full force. 


I have so much inside me. I think it builds up over time. That makes sense. I hide so much just to be able to be around people and get through the day. I stuff more than I realize. I need a pressure release from time to time and screaming seems to fit the bill. 


I can feel the emotion welling up inside, moving from my torso and up into my throat. I've been slamming the door shut on it since you left. No more. I'm going to scream. If I'm around people, I'll excuse myself and head to the car. I'm betting the car would make a good screaming place. 


Life was already crazy. With you gone, it's even more nuts. When I think about screaming, I smile. 


Smiling feels good. 


Finding healthy ways to process our grief. 

Finding healthy ways to grieve while remaining functional can be challenging. For most, it's natural to want to hole up and grieve quietly on our own. As time goes by, the grief inside begins to build up. Our internal grief reservoir rises. Sooner or later, we need space to allow it to overflow. 

Many grievers find screaming to be a great way to release pent-up tension and emotion. Some scream into pillows. Some scream in their cars. I know a swimmer who screams underwater in the pool. Expressing the powerful emotions in short bursts can be effective and relieving. Periodically, we need to air what's inside. 

Grief will be expressed, one way or another. Better to let it out in healthy ways than to force it to leak out in ways we might later regret.

Some things are worth screaming about. The loss of a loved one is certainly one of those.


Affirmation: Life is tough and losing you is painful. There's plenty to scream about. 


Adapted from Comfort for Grieving Hearts: Hope and Encouragement for Times of Loss. 



About the Author

Gary Roe is an author, speaker, and chaplain with Hospice Brazos Valley. He is the author of the award-winning bestsellers Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child, Please Be Patient, I'm Grieving, HEARTBROKEN: Healing from the Loss of a Spouse, and Surviving the Holidays without You and the co-author (with New York Times Bestseller Cecil Murphey) of Saying Goodbye: Facing the Loss of a Loved One. Visit him at www.garyroe.com.