'Forever Mom'

Well, here we are again. I'm sure some of you are getting tired of hearing from me. That's okay, I'm here anyway. We all have gone through a lot after our child/children passed.  The road we now walk is so rocky and steep, the top so far away. Some of us won't make it and I already grieve for the loss of a light soul passing away from us. More of us will keep climbing, what else can we do? We can step out on different paths to see if they suit us but this main path will always be beside us whatever direction we go.

As a parent of a lost child I have seen the worst, the underside of the belly of people who were suppose to care for you. But .... I have seen great kindness from surprising places that help let words roll off my back. It is sad that we have to do that, but now we are in fight or flight mode. For me, flight mode is when you give them a pitying look as you turn and walk away. You hope they never know what we know. Have you ever noticed that when you really try to explain yourself, the pain/sorrow/sadness, suddenly you can't find the right words. There are no words that could cover all that we have been through.

Well, here we are again. I know that you all care about what happens to us, and I am so glad you are here. There has been too much heart break but I see that you stand tall. Be proud of yourself, be proud of your child no matter the means they may have choose to pass. My son suicided at the age of 34. He would have been 40 this month, my heart breaks.

I had a friend who had lost her daughter. Her only child. She was telling me of all the mental injuries she suffered under because she grieved too long for her child. WHAT? There is no time limit. It will be 5 years soon that my son died. I still cry and hurt for him just as she does her daughter. One of her sisters told her that now she had no children she should not tell people that she was a mom. Again, WHAT? You will always be a mom or dad for the rest of your life, be proud they belonged to you and not some cold hearted person that doesn't care. This is the reason I sign off as Forever Mom. It's a painful path but I have learned to walk with my sorrow. Sometimes, things are overwhelming and we have to shut off for a while and that is okay. I wish you all gentle days and nights as you walk your path and remember dad's and mom's, you are forever. 'Forever Mom.'

About the Author

 My son, Tim passed from this world on January 5th 2014 at the age of 34. He chose to end his life. So many things happened to bring him to that point. Believe or not, I understand why. No matter how our child died, that is the key word 'our child.' I wish you all gentle days and nights as you walk your path. Barbara, 'Forever Mom.'