Can you heart literally stop beating due to grief?

I'm no stranger to grief, it has been eating me up for the last 6 months.  6 long months have gone by since our daughter was born sleeping.  It took me at least 3 of those months to be able to get out of bed, and go out of the house.   Even when I would venture out, I would avoid key places I had visted when I was expecting her. 

Just over a week ago today, I lost my best friend my Mom Pauline.  She was 64 this year, and so very heart broken to have lost her first grandchild.  Her heart stopped working, something I have feared will happen to me.

Her grief was of a different kind, she was mouring the loss of her grandchild but also dealing with the fact she let me down.  The guilt of not being with me when I needed her to be, was eating her up.  I had forgave her a long time ago, but did tell her when I sat by her beside after she passed.

The doctors tell me that she was fine one minute, talking about me and how bad she felt for us.  She told the nurse that she was hoping we would be expecting again soon, and didn't want me to be sad any longer. Then her heart stopped beating.

I have been trying to be gentle on myself, however I am having a hard time.  I feel guilty if I'm not sad enough.  It has taken 6 months for me to be in a better place, and now I should be happy I'm not having a nervous breakdown. 

Had we not gone through the death of Leia, I don't think I would be able to even function right now.  I am trying hard to know my mom didn't want me to be sad, not even for her death.  Spending those hours with her after her death, reassured me she was in a better place.

About the Author
Mother to Leia Sky who was born sleeping Oct 6, 2011. Letters to Leia was started as an online journal for Leia. It has become so much more. She can be reached at [email protected] & her blog can be read at www.letterstoleia.ca .
What is Grief?