Creating Blue Space | The Grief Toolbox

After the loss of a loved one, emotions twirl inside like a whirling dervish. People are sad, depressed, anxious, belligerent, angry, and the list of negative emotions goes on. For some, sleep is affected for others a feeling of constant discomfort. For me, after the loss of my brother, I would sit by myself in a dark room with a candle. If the candle feel over and wax got all over the table it did not phase me. If I was holding the candle and the wax started dripping and burning my skin, I did not notice. Mostly, I was creating a recipe for disaster, and I was lucky I did not burn my house down.

A few months after the loss, I found myself wondering in a wholesale club. I came across motion detectors that radiated a blue light. I bought the pack, which contained six. I plugged them in my master bedroom, hallway, and bathroom. As I started walking to bed, the lights glowed one by one. The blue spread a few feet and transported my mind to an aquarium. I felt relaxed and safe. A feeling that I had not since my loss. I then wanted to add fragrance to my room and purchased a plug-in diffuser. I went to the baby section of the drugstore and bought a soothing lavender oil. Again I had wanted to stay away from flames. My body and mind needed a safe space to calm for the night. I had succeeded.

I live in an area where the only sounds at night from Mother Nature are storms or Limpkins. Two sounds that are irritating and at times frightening. I purchased lullaby music to help me sleep, although the music could not drown out the sounds of either. Lastly, I wrapped myself in a weighted blanket. I needed the hug of my brother. My peaceful environment kept me from shaking.

I share my story about changing the atmosphere in my bedroom because I know how crazy emotions can be. In addition to changing your room to a safe space, which should not bother a significant other; one can also do yoga.

In February of 2018, I will be one of the speakers on the Journey of Hope and Bereavement Cruise, which embarks from Tampa, Fl. We will not be able to plug in blue motion lights and alter the lightning on the ship. However, we will have the sounds of the ocean and the stars above for mental relaxation. On the days at sea, Emma Poole (www.emmapooleyoga.com ) will be leading yoga classes for those who participate in the seminar. Join us as we learn how to relax the mind.

For more information on the cruise, please visit www.j3hhh.com.

About the Author

Robyn Faust Gabe was born in East Meadow, New York. She was raised and schooled in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Dr. Gabe graduated in 2000 from Florida Atlantic University with a Bachelors of Arts Degree in Political Science. After that, Dr. Gabe attended Florida International University and graduated in 2004 with her Masters of Public Administration. During her master’s program, Dr. Gabe interned with the assistant city manager for the City of North Bay Village where she learned how local cities manage records containing sensitive information. After her master’s program, Dr. Gabe worked at a local university in the financial aid office. In that position, she helped counsel students regarding the responsibility of loans and oversaw the student work study program. Then the unimaginable happened; her only sibling died. She lost her job, friends, and family members. The multiple losses within a two-year period triggered a downward spiral and created many interpersonal conflicts. In 2010, Dr. Gabe decided to take her pain combined with multiple losses to benefit other bereaved siblings. She enrolled at Nova Southeastern College of Arts, Humanities, and Social Sciences, Conflict Analysis, and Resolution doctoral program. There she studied sibling bereavement issues utilizing theoretical lenses associated with the conflict analysis and resolution field. In 2016, Dr. Gabe graduated with her Ph.D. She is currently the office manager of a personal injury law firm. She has spoken at bereavement meetings and was a speaker at a national grief conference.

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