Family and Friends Beyond Value

They say you can't choose your family, you get what you get, something about blood thicker than water. Trust me, that's not true. Yet, I am grateful for the family and friends I have. Calling them friends seems wrong when they are so much more. Some family do not exist for us anymore, and that was their choice as well as our own. We are good with that. There is no longer any blame, just stating a fact. We are learning to see the ones in front of us and appreciate who they are. Life has become simpler that way. Of course, there are those who will not understand how we can do this so all I can say is, 'walk in our shoes and you will know.' Not something we ever wanted to know, none of this was something we wanted to know.

I don't have the words to tell the ones who have been there for us just how important and valuable they are. I'm not talking running every time when we fall, no one should have to do that. I am talking about the ones who pop in and say 'hey, how are you today?' The ones that know you hurt and don't try to fix you, just smile and say, 'I love you,' in that moment when the world hurts. The one thing we didn't need was people around us all the time, trying to find something that would help. There is nothing that would help except for what my family and friends did. They loved us unconditionally, without question. They never once abandoned us nor turned their backs. Family and friends beyond value.

I do realize that there are some who feel alone. That makes me sad for there are so many out there that understand what we go through on a daily basis and not all of them are fighting this fight, they just know. The Grief Tool Box is a good place to find them. Compassionate Friends... there are many. If there is no one within your sphere of reality, search for them. Yeah, I know, easier said then done, but worth the effort, honest. It's hard to come out of the shell around us when we are dealing with loss. We will always feel alone with our grief but we don't have to be alone in our sorrow. If you find one person who says, 'Yeah, I know, want to talk?' you have found a ruby, an emerald, a diamond. Family and friends have no price for they are beyond value.

Between our daughter, grandsons, family and friends, we find reason. They make us laugh, feel comfortable, allow us to hurt. They do not judge us, but I wonder at times how they can handle us. That they do is amazing. I have phobias, triggers, weeping jags, moments of 'do not come near me.' and still they wait me out. How do they do that? I don't know, but am so glad they do. There was a time when we thought that the ones who hurt us would be remembered more then the ones there for us. We were so wrong. As time passes, the focus is more and more on those who love us. It allows us to let go of the hurt caused by others and enjoy those around us. We have enough pain to deal with, no extra needed.

We have changed greatly from the loss of our son. Because they all stood with us, they have grown into that change with us, accepted who we now are. What value can you put on that? Priceless. The new friends we have travel this path with us. I hope we all help each other for they are important to us. The changes I see in my husband tells me a lot. No one who did not grow with us would understand or believe those changes. Seeing those changes in him tells me of the changes in me and how glad I am that we changed together and not grew apart as so many do.

We are letting go of bitterness because we have such a great network of people around us. Some are people we did not know until after Tim died. Even in their sorrow, they encourage us. Even in their sorrow. Amazing people come from grief. It separates the wheat from the chaff. Grief pulls the mask off the false and shows the true. So even though we have lost too much, we have also gained something. Nothing can ease the loss of our son, but with help, we learn to live again. If we could give back an ounce of what has been given to us at the harshest place in our lives, we would shower them with an ocean. Thank you, thank you for loving us. You are beyond value, you are priceless. 'Forever Mom.'