Father’s Day - No One to Call Me Daddy

The last couple of weeks have been difficult for me to sit down and write for my blog.  I was having major writers block.  When an idea came to me it was usually when I was driving and couldn’t write it down and for me, it I do not capture it when it comes to me it generally nevers comes back or it doesn't sound as good later when i sit down to write. 

I also knew that with Father’s Day approaching, I would be expected to write a powerful piece about this difficult day, so the pressure was also creating a mental writing block.  All of these blocks changed this evening when I received a blog message from a grieving dad that lost his daughter last August.  I won’t go into all of the details, but she was almost 3 years old and suffered from an unknown genetic issue.  His youngest and only living child is showing signs of the same condition and it has left her with the inability to speak.  He ended the message with “I will never have anyone call me “daddy”.  I am not looking forward to Father’s Day this year”.

Those words broke my heart, I get the part about not looking forward to Father’s Day, and all of us grieving dads understand that.  But to hear him say “I will never have anyone call me daddy” really hit me.  It hit me because I am in the same situation.  I realized again that I too will never have one of my children call me daddy.  Since my wife and I are carriers of a rare genetic disorder, we will never be able to have our own biological children.  And with the roadblocks of adoption, the chances of us adopting has also becoming less likely.

So there is a strong chance that I will never have a child to spend time with in the park, ballgame, fishing or anywhere else for that matter.  I will never have anyone call me on Father’s Day and say “Happy Father’s Day Dad”.  There is no one to come visit me when I am old.  I feel robbed out of being a dad to a living child.  Someone I can nurture, teach and make their life as happy and as peaceful as possible.

I know I am not the only bereaved parent out there that has no living children and I also know I am not the only grieving dad that is going to struggle with Father's Day this year.  If you know a grieving dad, I ask you to reach out to them this Father’s Day with a card or phone call to let them know that someone is thinking about them on this very difficult day.  I can’t even begin to tell how much these men will appreciate it.  I know a lot of people are afraid to reach out to bereaved parents on these “types” of days out of fear of “making them feel bad or remind them of their loss”.  My response to that is rest assured that these grieving parents already feel bad and they already think about the loss of their child every single day.  You acknowledging their pain adnt eh fact they are still a father even though their child has died will mean a lot them. 

Happy Father’s Day to all of the grieving dads that are out there, know you are not alone on this day and that other grieving dads are carrying the same pain.

Kelly Farley – Fellow Grieving Dad

Author of Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back



About the Author
Kelly Farley, like many men, was caught up in the rat race of life when he experienced the loss of two children over an 18-month period. He lost his daughter, Katie, in 2004, and son, Noah, in 2006. During the losses and the years that followed, he felt like he was the only dad that had ever experienced such a loss. He realized that society, for the most part, doesn’t feel comfortable with an openly grieving man. That realization inspired him to write his book Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back. In addition to this book, Kelly maintains a blog at www.GrievingDads.com and is currently pursuing his M.S. Ed. degree in counseling to continue his mission of helping others through profound life experiences. Kelly has a passion for helping people “pick up the pieces” after a profound life event and works as a personal recovery coach to help people put their life back together. Kelly lives in the suburbs of Chicago but still dreams of escaping the rat race. He enjoys spending time with his wife Christine and his four legged friend Buddy.
I'm Grieving, Now What?