First Christmas Without You

Suella Tecco December 13, 2014 - 4:50pm

Stephen have you become an angel to us that God has given?

Are you an angel who will soon be celebrating Jesus’ birthday in heaven?

Did your family who were called before you welcome you?

Are the stories that I will see you once again really true?

Does God hold you in his arms and comfort you in your rebirth,

As was once my cherished duty here on earth?

 

They say the “first” Holidays after the loss of your loved one are so hard,

But how can they be worse than past days as I watched trees cry their leaves in the yard?

For me this first Christmas without you on earth indeed magnifies the grief, my beautiful son,

As I reminisce back to how much you once enjoyed family and the festivities and fun.

So, because I remember how special Christmas was to you,

I will honor our many traditions just as we used to do.

 

Although you are no longer here to help me put them on,

Your ornaments to the Christmas tree I continue to don.

Each ornament I place peels back a sweet layered memory,

Placed on the tree visions of your beautiful smile come back to me.

 

Remembering events of your life from the ornaments of past years,

And carefully placing it on the tree brings the flow of burning tears.

Your memories bring happiness, but also bring painful grief,

WHY AREN’T YOU HERE TO MAKE MORE MEMORIES?

my broken heart screams in disbelief!

 

Family and friends are scattered to different places,

The Christmas wreath I placed sits alone, on your grave it graces.

No, the heartbreak has never subsided these many passing days,

But the loneliness of this Christmas enhances grief’s earlier lifeless haze.

 

I pray that my beautiful memories will one day re-nourish my soul,

Although they’ll always be in my heart, they will never fill this empty hole.

You were one of God’s blessings to me, I will always remember,

But every day now and future I’ll miss you, Stephen, not just this December. 

 

I love you my beautiful man-child angel.  You are terribly missed and deeply loved here on earth.

Momma

Christmas 2014

About the Author
On July 27, 2014, my 25 year old son Stephen died from an overdose. But Stephen is not defined by the disease he fought. He had one of the most beautiful souls who wanted to only beat this horrible affliction and go on to write and help others who were fighting the same battle. He loved his family, friends and had the ability to make all who met him love him. He was a writer and a poet. He was a most gentle man-child. He did not hide his skeletons; he spoke of his journey openly with the hope to inspire others to beat it. He wanted to lead others out of the hell of addiction. As his brother said at his service, Stephen, "You showed grace where others showed contempt. You have inspired people to address their addictions and not be afraid of them. You spoke life into the darkest of places and brought hope to the wayward." And this he did. And this is why I believe God called him home. To be an angel to others who are dealing with this mean illness. We love you Stephen, and miss your beautiful smile and big hugs that were always there, even in your darkest moments.
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