When my husband was killed, it was all I could do to breathe. When suffering a loss, every day is overwhelming. Some days you are at the point of breaking. Anyone with me?
Life continues and that is what you want to stop. The world is passing you by and that is what you can’t comprehend. Everything is going so fast and all you want to do is sit down and cry.
But life continues. And tasks need to be done. Some of those tasks remind you of your loss in an overwhelming kind of way. You need to mow the lawn, but that is what he always did for you. You need to wash the dishes, but that is what she always did. You need a shoulder to cry on, but the friend you always called is no longer there. You need to get something in their room, but as soon as you enter, you are reminded the room has no occupant.
And each task, each stress, each moment is like pouring one more ounce of water in an overflowing pitcher, or placing one more rock on top of a falling tower.
You break, and you think, “I can’t DO this!”
And no one understands. They can’t. They aren't you. You can talk until you are blue in the face but your pain is your pain. Even if the other person is traveling through the grieving process with you, they still can’t understand. They don’t have your feelings, they don’t have your memories, and they don’t share your personality. They can’t understand your pain because they don’t know it.
This is a truth you need to realize. No one understands. At least, no human. There is only one place you can turn to, only one place to find rest – God.
He knows because He made you, “For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13
He understands because He knows you, “O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thoughts from afar." Psalm 139:2
Almost a year after my husband was killed in action, I was having a really bad day. I remember repeating over and over, “Carry me Jesus, you are going to have to carry me more.”
Later that day I received a note from a friend's mother. This is what she said.: “I know sometimes there are more questions than answers, times when our hearts are weary and our strength fades, but when we cannot stand GOD CARRIES US THROUGH.”
Was it coincidence she wrote those words even before I was praying them?
No. Because God understands. He understands exactly what you need when you need it. Don't brush aside those times someone says something or you see something that is an answer to prayer. Write it down. Remember it. Come back to it and know that God just may be talking. Why?
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
God understands because God's Son died too. God gets it because He has felt our pain too.
Trust Him to carry you when you are breaking. There is nothing He wants to do more.