Coming from my own personal experience through grief, it has been the one thing that has lifted me up through all my darkest moments in grief, on the heavy days I had to program my mind over and over again to directly seek the good times, the good thoughts, although in tremendous pain this may seem hard, in time you do it so often that eventually as soon as you feel the pain you go to that thought right away.  I always tell others that speak of tremendous pain that through it each time the pain finds its way to your heart to immediately put in your mind that "happy thought".  Although at first it is so difficult to keep reminding yourself, the more you allow yourself to do it the easier it will come.  If in the beginning it is too painful to think of a happy time with your loved ones passed pick another happy moment , or just simply make one up, being on the beach, something that makes you smile.  Eventually you will see that your happy thought will automatically go to a time you can remember with your loved ones passed, that in that moment it does not hurt to remember it. 
In that dark place we all go to it is a place where soon enough we turn on our own light, we soon enough know right away where we are headed, we right away click the switch to brighten the dark that was.  Each as well as every time you feel that pain our minds get use to immediately going to that special happy moment that in time our mind knows exactly what to do.  It is not easy, the pain at first over powers our minds, it leaves us surrounded by a fog that never lifts, yet little by little we find that happy moment, even if it is just for a little bit.  Soon enough we find that happy moment quickly, allowing the pain to lift little by little as we find our smile through it.  This is not an easy fix, it is not a way to avoid, it is just simply a way to make a break in all the pain we do feel through grief.  Soon enough we find out that those dark clouds lift, that the clouds seem a little lighter, that our happy moment is our embrace to a smile we thought would never be.  That smile we start seeing more often fills our heart with hope, it shows us we can smile again, that it won't be forever we feel like this. 
Find your happy thought and use it, just try to replace it when you feel those bad moments coming on, use it to see that you can smile, you can feel something other then pain.  Use it each as well as every time you feel the pain, soon enough we will automatically, naturally just go there.  In it we see that the pain is there yet we understand that our smile, our good thoughts, our hopes, our feeling good has not gone anywhere for good.  When we see we can feel good through it, we see that it hasn't gone any where we just allowed the pain to take over our happy thoughts.  I did this through my whole entire grieving path I walk, each time I seen I still had my smile and good thoughts, the pain got lighter, a little of it was left behind me.  It is like watching a bad show on TV then flicking the station to a show we like so much to immediately feel excited as well as happy to see it on TV.  Your smile, your happiness, your hopes, your good belly feelings are there they never leave you, you just have to fight more to feel them through the pain.  In this life it is up to us to tell the story, it is up to us to be the hero in our story, we are the ones that make how the out come will be. 
Through the darkness find your happy moment to shed light on the darkness to understand all good has not gone any where it is just not seen in the dark.  It is amazing how through such tragic times the most beautifulest of blessings take place leaving you in awe.  Our old life never goes anywhere it just becomes different, we take that love with us through it all, our loved ones passed touch our hearts through it all.  In our happy thoughts the light becomes brighter and brighter, the darkness becomes faint, that soon enough that pain lifts to feel lighter and lighter.  We feel lighter, the world on our shoulders lift to become a path in front of us to all we believe we want to accomplish.  In the start of it all you may not feel this, yet little by little you will see your smile, once you see that smile you know the pain is not stronger then you.  Yes there is no way to get rid of our pain yet there is a way to get that break from it, that soon enough turns in to longer and longer breaks, showing to our hearts that we are not broken we were never broken. 
The pain starts to lift through our happy thoughts, it shows our hearts that there is hope, the more we see our happy thoughts the more we see the dark get brighter, the more we find our own way to turn on the lights.  Pain will always be,  yet the strength of it weakens day by day.  Through the toughest of our times we understand in us is enough strength to make it through the seconds, the hours, the days, once we see that we understand "yes we can do it" it may be hard, it may be tough but we can make it through, we start to understand that if we make it through the most painful of things that other things become easier, we see that things we were afraid of are no longer to be afraid of, we find our self finding out just what we are capable of doing in this new life we build. 
My happy moment become a time my husband and I were driving home to stumble across these three furry babies, my husband passed had a heart bigger than this world for animals, he spotted these babies right away and could not stop fast enough, not caring who was behind or who was around lol.  He could not get to them fast enough, I have never seen a skunk so small, here there was these three little puff balls so tiny running around the lawn, so small they stumbled as they walked, the look on my husband passed face was priceless, it was as though in that moment he was back to being a child, the love in his eyes brightened up the night, then once I realised and it clicked in OMG SKUNKS my chicken butt ran across the street lol.  My husband passed did not even flinch, he stood there around them smiling, he looked at them with such love that being sprayed never crossed his mind once.  The little guys thankfully were too small to spray but yet you could see them lifting their butts as well as tails wanting to spray my husband passed but falling each time due to being so brand new. 
I could see in that moment in time my husband passed was in his moment where nothing else existed, his smile, his laugh, his love pierced a feeling in my heart I will never forget, that even typing this makes me feel so full of love as well as puts a smile on my face that never leaves.  Thinking of this moment over powers any pain that I have felt, any pain that tries to invade my heart, to this day it lifts the pain to turn it in to love, it turns it in to my light.  Oh yes I forgot to say my husband passed was crazy enough and so in love with these furry baby skunks he wanted to bring them home, yea we know the ending to that lol. 
NOTE TO ALL:  USE that happy moment, that happy thought through the darkness that surrounds you, even if in the beginning it is something you make up, for me in the beginning the happy thought/moment was nothing to do with my husband passed due to it being too hard to think of, my happy moment in the beginning was a place I always wanted to go to, in my thoughts I imagined a story of how it would be to be there.  In time we exchange that pain to a smile allowing our self to fight the pain, allowing our self to lift some of the pain, we allow our self to understand that we control the pain, the pain does not take away our happiness, we fight the pain to conquer our life, we take back our life by allowing those little breaks that soon become bigger, greater breaks, in those happy moments we find the love never leaves us, our loved ones passed touch our hearts to allow us to find our smile, our hopes, our love.  USE YOUR MOMENT, free your heart, free yourself from the dark and turn on your light.
Tonya O 

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About the Author
BLOGGER FOR ALL GRIEVING ON THE JOURNEY TO WRITING A BOOK "Spouse to Angels in the City" Widow for 11 months also mother of a beautiful little girl
Helping The Bereaved