Gratitude in Grief...What?...

The struggle ends when gratitude begins. Neale Donald Walsch

The month of November, with Veterans' Day, Harvest celebrations, World Kindness Day (November 13th) and Thanksgiving is the month to celebrate gratitude, traditions, food, fun, feasting and family. But it may not be for many people. When life has been thrown on to a foundation of sadness, loss and pain, none of these are easy to face let alone enjoy. 

How can I possibly feel gratitude when I am grieving the loss of my loved one? How can I even recognize it? What do I even have to be grateful for?

Before answering those questions we need to look at the reality of the road of grief...

Early Grief- The Learning Stage

Early in one's grief the watchword is stuck not movement. This early grief is for learning about your feelings, your behaviors, your pain, your suffering. You are learning about your internal world; the world of pain, suffering and grief. It cannot be about movement (growth) while you are discovering this new world.

• You need to learn about this new world that has been set forth in front of you.
• You will learn as you go as you are unfamiliar with the territory
• You have to learn about your expectations and your possibilities.

There is a lot to learn in the expectations of grief. You will learn about yourself, other people, how the world address  death and grieving and how YOU address death and grieving.  

Possibilities is a more difficult idea to grasp in grief due to the (usual) lack of experience of the griever. One must recognize that grieving is similar to a new relationship, a new marriage or the beginning of life. We all begin in learners' mode.

In this learning stage, the griever does not recognize their ability to change or to make decisions or to make any movement of any kind.

Allow yourself to experience what is occurring to you in the moment that you find yourself experiencing it. (feel your feelings) This is the ONLY way to get to and through any movement in your grief process. As painful as this is, every griever must go through this early learning stage of grieving to seek transformation.

Movement in Grief

Although it's well known that there are no stages to grief, it is absolutely important for grievers to move through this early learning period to be able to move in their own grief process. The grief process is not incremental steps; one step to the next point in your process. However, accepting and experiencing your early grief allows you to move through your process with you, with your learning and with your abilities to see what is necessary for you in your own process and life.   

Gratitude in Grief

Gratitude: the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful, appreciative of benefits received.

It is not easy to understand how gratitude can help you in your grief process looking through the lens of pain. It will not allow for the feeling or the understanding of gratitude.  Also, it is  extremely difficult to see any possibilities in the early learning period.  But, by allowing yourself to experience the early grieving to step back, look at you and your process, you will be able to gain a larger perspective which can lead to a larger view of your life.

Similar to grief, learning to be and living in gratitude is not an overnight process. Neither is it one size fits all nor does gratitude feel good automatically when one acknowledges gratitude for the first time.

Living in gratitude, like living in grief, is a process that evolves. It is a body, mind and soul process that takes much time, it takes much reasoning and it takes your heart opening to make your transformation possible.

Have patience and compassion with yourself. Gratitude just might be the repaving for your road of grief....