Happy Father's Day - Life’s many Versions

Version 1) - My Dad, becomes a dad.

My first father’s day came in 1968, I do not remember it as I was only 6 weeks old but I know it was good. Father's day changed again 4 years later with the birth of my brother and again in 6 more years with the birth of my sister. It is at this point that I have my first memories of father's Day, each year was slightly different, some years we would barbecue lamb or chicken, some years burgers or even ribs and share the day with my dad. Some years we would go to the movies others camping or to the pool, every memory I have is positive.

Version 2) - I become a Father!

In 1995 Father's day changed again, my world was forever changed with the birth of my first son, Noah. For the next four years Father's day took on a new meaning. Now I was both a father and had a father. That day we did many of the same things and created many memories, one of my Dad’s favorite memories involves blueberry pie, Noah and a shirt that will never be the same color. I loved Father’s day.

Version 3) - Am I a Father?

Six days before Father’s day in 1999 my son Noah died. I did not want Father’s day to happen that year. If I could have stopped it I would have, I felt as if I had failed as a dad, how could this possibility be something to celebrate. That year Noah had made a birdhouse for my dad.  I could not bring myself to give it to him and held on to it tight, to this day I still have that birdhouse. Those around me assured me that I was still a dad, but I did not feel like on in my own heart.

Version 4 - Hope returns.

Over the next few years I came to know that I am a father, Noah would always be my son. He died but the Love did not, our relationship changed but the Love had grown.  In Dec 2001 our Family grew again and I was blessed with two new sons, Vlad and Ivan. Fathers day 2002 we were all back on dad’s deck with Noah looking over us celebrating, yes truly celebrating Father's day.  Father’s day had a bitter sweetness to it.  Hope returned, Love prevailed. For the next 16 years the joy of being a son and of being a father danced with the pain of not having my other son with me. Father’s day was good.

Version 5 - The end of an era.

2017 was a difficult year to say the least, in January my sister, Heather died and on the night of her funeral my Dad died. I have no memory of Father's day 2017, I do not know where I was, or how I was or who I was with or what I felt, I was lost, confused and hurting. 

Version 6 - Hope and Love prevail.

2018 - I am not sure what Father’s day is, it changes, a new version is born and it takes on a new meaning.  I am blessed to have two sons physically with me. I am blessed to have son, a father, a mother and sister in heaven looking over us all. Today I will return to the barbecue and maybe even a movie. I will share a smile and a tear, or even a few.  There are many large holes in my heart, they have many shapes, one is shaped like Noah, one like Byron, one like Ronna and one like Heather, there are many others, too many to mention but for each hole there is love.

Is there a 7^th version for me?  I do not know, but I do know hope and love will prevail.  I do know what Father's day is for you today but my wish for you is that hope and love prevail.

Happy Father’s day to all.

Glen Lord