Healing after Child Loss

Life, at least my life, isn’t about me fixing “me”. There are just some things that life throws our way that cannot be fixed, no matter how hard you try.  Life, though, as painful as those unexpected things it tosses our way is about finding yourself.  But for me, it's was finding myself in the present. Not who I use to be before the tragic event that happened in my life and accepting that as MY new reality.

I spent countless hours trying to figure out how I could ‘heal’ from the trauma of losing my son Brian in a car accident only to realize that there will be no final fix to me. I am constantly healing, constantly changing, constantly working through my grief. It's alot. It's hard work. It's exhausting. It's worth it. Allowing yourself to embrace all emotions that come your way is the key to keep moving forward.

Not moving on... but moving forward in loss.  Happy, sad, joy, knock to your knees pain, never ending tears...All of it!! Realizing that your life is a before and after.  Acceptng you can be mixed with so many emotions , sometimes all at one time.  I can be happy and sad within hours of each other and that is just fine, it has to be. 

Three years later and I still cry in my car and in the shower, scream at the top of lungs at what life decided to do. Three years later and I do also enjoy life too. 

I use to think that healing meant to not have any of these raw emotions anymore. That one day I would wake up and say “I am healed”.  Oh how foolish of me.  Instead, I say every single day “I am healing”.  

A tragic life event like losing my son in a car accident will take my entire lifetime to heal. And guess what, that is okay. How can something so tragic of an event, no matter what it is, not take the remainder of your life to heal.  

Always remember, as long as you keep moving forward, no matter how many steps you take backward, you are healing.