He's gone.................

It was a normal day in Mullins, SC, the sun was shining and another day full of promise. Bill got the four-wheeler and he and his brother checked it out. Oil was good, tires pumped up and Bill told his brother “ Hey…. my girlfriend and me are going for a ride!!!!!” and off they went. They should be back in no time…………..In a few minutes his sister ran into the house screaming, “Help…HELP!!!!!!!!  There has been accident!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!

My sister ran up the road and then stopped. Bill was on the ground. Motionless. His girl friend sat on the road bleeding. The closer she got the more she understood that there was no helping Bill. She sat on the ground and held him for a while. The fire and rescue arrived but they could do nothing but try and console the family. Bill was dead.

My phone rang and it was my sister.  She told the story and I sat there in disbelief, holding the phone, unable to cry, and knowing there was nothing to say. When she stopped talking and we sat silently, seconds passed, and she said, “He was so young, barely thirty years of age, he had his whole life ahead of him”…………….and her voice trailed off. I was her brother. I was supposed to help her. What do you say to your sister when she has just lost her oldest, her brightest, the son that always helped his mom, and the words are just not there? I would not lie and tell things would be OK.

We hung up after a few minutes. She would call back and tell me what I could do. She lived five hours away and it would be a long ride to her house.  In the end they could not decide what to do for a funeral, there was no money. I waited for the word but it never came.  They had a private service in a week and my sister had decided that I should stay home and be ready. We kept in touch, and my sister wanted to come see us instead, and that was what she did. But the visit would be many months later, after she could handle the grief.  All she wanted was for me to be her brother and that was what I did.

She had decided that Bill would be buried on the property, and that they would build brickwork over the grave as a memorial to Bill. Each of the brothers and his sister wrote memories in the mortar. They added fishing lures and other things to remind them of Bill and the years went by but the hurt never went away. I did not tell my sister that time would make it better because it never does. The pain gets dull, but it never goes away.  My sister aged 20 years overnight

Through all of this she never once got angry with God, but she developed a hatred for four-wheelers and told the family she never wanted to see anyone ride one again. It sat in the driveway for years.  She never sold it because she did not want anyone to get hurt again.  Not on her watch. Not while she could prevent death from hurting another family. Through it all she thanked God everyday for giving her Bill. She never waivered in her faith and she concentrated on her other children.

As a chaplain I have seen other families crushed by the death of a family member caused by cancer, accidents, heart attacks, strokes, Alzheimer’s, and other health problems. Some come through the storm stronger, some appear unchanged, and some hate God.  None of them are really the same if they are honest. We say things at the service to make the family feel better, sometimes there are funny stories, sometimes the family will speak during the service, but at the end of the day we all go home. Some of us go home to our families thankful that we were not in that situation. Some of us think to ourselves “How do they get through that?????”  But they do. Somehow. 

I find comfort in the Lord and could not get through life without Him.

I am just not that strong by myself.