How do I live without you? That's a question that rings in my head 24 hours 7 days per week. I feel like people are tired of my influx of mental instability. Even my counselors. My head and heart are stuck. The stop button is frozen, ceased to a solid singular event. That day. That day robbed me, it blindsided me, from whence there is no return. Nothing. I'm in this place of solid, rock hard nothingness. No one can penetrate the iron shell I've built around my deepest emotions that take me into the abys of nothingness. How do I live without you? How do I go on? Tomorrow's keep coming but my feeling, my brokenness remains intact. Everyday is the same. The only difference is the numbness that gives me a break. Then back to the overly intense pain. I can relate it to Jesus carrying his cross to his death. This is my cross I carry. Will it be the death of me??? I pray for peace. Peace for me and the millions of other moms facing this ugly thing called grief.