How You Choose to Honor, Celebrate, and Remember Mother Is Personal to You

How do you plan to remember your Mother on Mother's Day? This is the one most celebrated day of the year, and one of the saddest days for those whose Mother is deceased. It was a major adjustment for me when going to work at the cemetery and hearing that "everyone has to work on Mother's Day." I thought how unfair as I always spend that day between spending time with my Mother and my family celebrating me. However, after the first year, it became an honor to be there for those who came to the cemetery on Mother's Day to bring flowers, spend time, pay tribute, share rituals, and honor their Mothers. It was the busiest weekend of the year at the cemetery.

I also learned to appreciate that each of us is unique and therefore honor, celebrate, and remember in many different ways, if at all. Once thinking somewhat ill-willed of those who said, "I don't return to a gravesite because she isn't there." At that time, I didn't understand how anyone could say such a thing. Did that mean they didn't care about Mother? Did they not have a good relationship with Mother? Was Mother a bad person? Was it guilt, regret, or anger? Was the thought simply an emotion of grief at that time? I no longer feel that way. I now know, and can appreciate, that we can feel our Mother's love, presence, spirit, or essence in many forms.

My dear Mother died last year, two days before Mother's Day. Last Mother's Day is somewhat of a blur as I was planning her funeral services on Mother's Day. This year, although the second year, seems like the first Mother's Day without her. I've had so many thoughts of how to celebrate. I am grateful for my two beautiful children, as they are planning things for me to do (although I think it is mainly to distract my grief).

Do I want to visit the masses at the cemetery? No, not really. Do I want to sit quietly and light a candle? Maybe, as I've done that on other special days during this first year. Do I want to cook and place a special place setting at the table for her? Hmmmm, don't think so. Do I want to do something that she always loved to do? No, I don't. Do I want to cancel being with my own children to grieve alone? As a grief coach, I might not suggest that one to a client. Do I want to order flowers for myself in memory of Mother? Well, I love flowers so that might be nice. Do I want to spend the day looking at photos, memorabilia of the good times? No, definitely not. Do I want to spend time completing my journal "My 365 Days Without My Mother?" Well, it is coming to a close, so maybe so.

It's been the strangest year with the synchronicity of dimes appearing and other seemingly coincidences. There have been days of unexpected and unpredictable grief bursts appearing out of nowhere. But, it has also been a year of so many feelings of peace. When a dime appears, I feel her presence and I smile. When someone talks about the positive affect she had on their life, I feel her presence and I smile. When I visit the Butterfly Garden to write, I feel her presence and I smile. There are so many times that I feel her presence and a sense of peace and love abound.

So, maybe I'll do what I love to do (yes, after going out with my dear children). I'll go walk by the water for the feeling of peace, serenity, love, and gratitude. I'll practice what I teach - Cherish the memories and embrace the future.

However you choose to honor, celebrate and remember your Mother on Mother's Day, or any day, it is your personal experience. No wrong or right way to do so. Peace, love, and gratitude. Happy Mother's Day.

Statistics show that it normally takes 5-8 years to recover from a devastating loss. Dora Carpenter, Certified Grief Coach, Certified Life Coach, and founder of The ANIYA Group Life Coaching Center, says it doesn't have to take that long. Dora has authored several books on the subject and has been a guest on podcasts, radio, and television. Read more about Dora Carpenter and her grief coaching programs at http://www.FromGrieftoGratitude.com.