Life After Death: Returning to Work After the Loss of a Loved One

Death is the ultimate loss. After a loved one departs from this world, we experience immense grief and sadness. How are we supposed to carry on with life after this type of loss? What can we expect in the days, weeks, and months following the funeral? How will we manage when we return to work after the death of a loved one?

Whether you have recently experienced a loss or whether you’re looking to support someone who has, here are some compassionate tips and advice:

If you’ve recently experienced a loss:

I’m so sorry this happened. There’s no deeper loss or darker grief than the death of a loved one. It’s an understandably difficult time, especially if you were close. Allow yourself all the time you need to grieve without numbing your pain.

You might feel anger, rage or resentment. You might feel sadness, depression or despair. Although every situation is unique, chances are that the stages of grief (anger, denial, depression, bargaining, and acceptance) will manifest, perhaps even at the same time. You’ll need to work through each of them in your own way.

If you’re holding space for someone who is grieving:

Thank you. The world needs more compassionate individuals like you. Death is painful and uncomfortable. Those who are grieving often feel isolated. Whether you are supporting a loved one or a coworker, your empathy and understanding will undoubtedly be appreciated.

As your loved one or coworker returns to work, they may need you to hold space for them as they reclaim their lives. Here are some ways you can help:

• Don’t: Avoid your loved one, tell them to “think positive,” or change the subject when they discuss their grief.
  Do: Try to put yourself in their shoes. Be as compassionate and empathetic as you can.
  
  

• Don’t: Ask, “How are you?” This is a difficult question during grief.
  Do: Ask them, “How are you today?” This acknowledges that the grief process is different from day to day.
  
  

• Don’t: Ask, “Is there anything I can do?” This question feels overwhelming and impossible to answer during grief.
  Do: Rather than asking, think of small gestures of kindness that you can do for your loved one. This reminds them that you care and they’re not going through this alone.

Healthy Coping Methods

Whether you have experienced a recent loss or are looking to support someone who is currently grieving, the following advice still applies. It is crucial to find healthy methods of coping with grief and to ensure that your loved ones do the same.

While working through their grief, many people find the negative emotions too overwhelming or difficult. In a well-intentioned effort to ease their pain, those who are grieving may turn to drugs or alcohol as a method of numbing their feelings. Unfortunately, this can cause bigger issues in the long run.

Some of the long-term effects of substance abuse include: addiction; strained relationships; financial strain; workplace issues; mental, physical and emotional changes; disrupted sleep patterns, unprocessed emotions (including grief); and accidental overdose, alcohol poisoning, permanent bodily damage, or even death.

As you can see, drugs and alcohol are not an effective coping mechanism for grief. If substance abuse is suspected or if you worry that your loved one might be turning to drugs and alcohol, it is important to seek help through a trained professional. Confidential hotlines, addiction rehabilitation centers, Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSWs) and trained therapists with a background in addiction recovery are all excellent resources in overcoming addiction.

There are many healthier alternatives to using drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism. You could read a self-help book, attend church, or write in a journal. Most importantly, anyone who is grieving should talk to someone, such as a trusted friend or a grief counselor.

Whether you are the one who is grieving a loss or whether you are the one who is supporting someone else, be patient and gentle during this difficult time. As you move through this journey, there will be good days and bad. Throughout it all, just know that you’re never alone and there are others to support you if you need it.