The Monster Inside Of Me

The Monster Inside Of Me
By Vivienne R Reich 

There is a monster that lives inside of me. 
He consumes me. 
He takes my energy and will to live. 
His name is Grief. 

You see I did not always have this monster inside of me. 
He was created by love. Yes, Love. 
The moment I lost my love one he appeared at my doorstep. 
He took over my mind, body, and soul. 
He now lives inside of me. 

Each day I wake up he is there. 
Every night I go to sleep he is by my side. 
He controls me. 

There are times I become free from him and I let out a smile. 
But he knows and comes back. 

I know he has a place. 
I know he has a right to be there. 
I let him in because I needed to express my pain somehow. 

But I will not allow him to take over my life. 
No, I have suffered way too much to have him invade me. 

Grief... my monster inside I have grown to accept. 
Please know you are there for a purpose. 
You have helped me find an outlet for my pain.  
And I thank you for that. 

You will forever be part of my life. 
But it's time I find my way.  
And in order to do that, I must not let you always control my life. 
Yes, I know you will pop out when least expected.  
On special days, and just out of nowhere just because. 
That's ok, I will welcome you each time. 
You're the monster of pain due to a love I once shared. 
Every tear I cry due to you is a validation of the love I lost. 

But I must move forward in my life. 
I must find that new me.  
That new smile.  
The reinvention of a brand new life before me. 

Grief Monster I am scared. 
I am scared that if I lose my pain I will lose my love for him. 
Grief Monster, please don't go. 

Oh, but what is this life?
I don't laugh. 
I live in constant pain. 
There is no pleasure in living. 
I have no life. I only exist. 

No, Grief Monster you can't always stay. 
You have to let me breathe.
I must continue on. I have to for him. 
I must find my way.  
No, Grief Monster I WILL find my way. 
I WILL be OK. 
I AM Stronger than I think. 
I have survived the unthinkable. 
I WILL be alright........