Hello all! My name is Victoria. I am an author and a mother who has lost her son. I hope to reach more people like me and help you through your darkest hours of despair. I know there are so many questions you have about this. I do not have the answers. I know I am only six (close to seven) years in but what a journey it has been for me and my family. The days have gotten better but some moments I am still back in that hospital room once again and the pain is just as painful as the day he passed away from this life. (October 30, 2005) I begin to wonder if I would ever smile again. I wondered if life had handed me my way out of it. I wondered so many things but the major question in my heart was when does the pain go away?? Well there are not any right answers for these questions we all differ. However, you will never get over it. You will never be the person you were before this happened but to grow from the pain of your child's death for whatever the cause was is to talk about it.
Talking can hurt sometimes it can. You have to know that it is therapy. I was unable to talk to anyone for the first four years after my son's death because no one ever understood. That is why I am here. I am here to be the "voice" or the heart you reach out to. There is nothing more painful than the death of a loved one except the death of your own child. It doesn't matter how old or how young that child was he/she was yours and they are no longer in your life. People will tell you to relate to the memories and think about the good times. Well I know that even the good times hurt. There is nothing more hurtful! Honestly I could not and will not lie to you and tell you that this will be a easy process it will not! It will be hard and it will be long. You are stronger than even you know at this point. Whenever you loose a kid time stops! when they tell you "time heals all wounds" well it does not. There are women in this that have never moved passed their child being gone.
I can take you on a journey with me and show you what you could look like when this thing begins to subside. Meanwhile, cry! SCREAM! no one is going to think it is healthy... It is! you may need to revert back to a child and throw a temper tantrum. SO what do it. It will make you feel better. SCREAM to the top of your voice and let every one know this is not ok. I MISS MY CHILD. I know what you think but so what. Who cares who sees you??? It is better out than in and I know that you will feel better if there was just someone who could understand. No one can understand your situation unless they have been where you are. They can sympathize with you but understanding comes from knowing and experience. There is nothing greater than a mother's love for her child.