My memories

I don't remember our early days together.
But i have enough memories to last forever.

I remember our childhood, our games and our fights.
I remember our day times, I remember our nights.

I remember our arguments, our laughs, our tears.
I remember how that never really changed over the years.

I remember hating you and you hating me,
I remember you singing 'Anne-Marie smells of wee'

I remember when Ella was born and you came to see her,
You were so proud and promised to always be there.

I remember when you were sick, and I dropped everything for you,
You were so thankful but you'd have done the same for me too.

I remember visiting you in hospital and bringing you Pepsi Max,
I remember you laughing telling stories about Giant Haystacks.

I remember my heart breaking, when I saw you cry.
I did all I could to help you, but still you said goodbye.

I remember you telling me you were fine, there was nothing wrong,
That you'd be ok, that you were strong.

I remember you coming shopping with me at Christmas last year,
We had a lovely day and so much fun, you had no fear.

I remember the day Tony came to tell me that you'd died.
I screamed at him and shouted, convinced that he had lied.

I remember my heart breaking into pieces, I felt so alone.
How could I go on without you? I couldn't bare to be at home.

I remember wondering how to look after Mum and Dad.
Every time I see them, they're just so desperately sad.

I remember realising that I'm the oldest now, I have to take care of them all.
It's such a hard job, how did you do it Paul?

I remember realising that I have to face my whole life without my brother.
How am I going to do that? I'll never get another.

I remember crying myself to sleep every night,
I just wished so much that we could have one more fight!

I saw a white feather float past me today, I knew it was you.
Even though you didn't stop to stay.

But you never did, and neither did I.
If only I could have said one, final goodbye......