Spring awakens with the dawn of a new day. A new day that I get up and try to feel for my existence. It doesn't come. I'm here but I am not. Twenty eight months. I've come a long way but yet not so far. My needs are small in comparison but simplistically impossible. I want to see your beautiful face. Your twinkling eyes. Your quirky smile. I miss your hugs, your love, your very existence in my world. The light shines briefly and it's warmth I embrace until the darkness wraps it's blackness around my soul and the pain seeps into every vein that runs through my body and explodes in my heart. My heart that's already shredded into microscopic shards. Tomorrow, it starts again. I wonder what it would be like to recognize the stranger in the mirror. This woman I don't know. This woman whose heart was huge, loving and forgiving. This woman whose heartbeat was alive and full of life. This woman whose heart beat is slow and full of brokenness. The same woman in the mirror is twisted and pained beyond repair. Maybe someday we will reunite. Maybe.