Is our request for release reasonable?
Whilst on a steady decline emotionally and physically as the 16th week mark approached yesterday; having spent the entire night crying to the point where I was unable to apply make-up this morning to come to work (eyes nearly swollen shut). I feel unable to see myself carry on living, yet suicide not an option, God seemingly not answering my prayer for release I started thinking of it from God's perspective:
So many people I have come across on forums (myself included) are crying out to God to allow us to die to be with our loved ones as our lives have become too unbearable to live without them: Imagine if God DID answer all our pleas? And all the pleas of those that have preceded us in centuries past?
I am sure that outside of these forums there are thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of people all shouting the same to God: spouses, single parents with children still dependent on them, physicians, scientists - young people who have a huge contribution still to make to this world and without whom their absence could have a domino effect. I myself have an adult son who will likely get married within the next 5 years to his long term girlfriend. Yes, I am convinced he will cope without me, but I will never see my grandchildren and I may be the one who can significantly impact their lives in one way or another. There may be someone in my future who needs you in some way that only you can provide.
Is it really my (our) place to insist on our way that God release us from our personal tragedies? It could mean hundreds of thousands of people gone and society could plunge into chaos....Maybe a bit dramatic, but if we are honest with ourselves? Do we have the right to be angry at God for not granting a potentially cataclysmic wish? NO it doesnt make this easier or even possible to live...but still - maybe we judge God too harshly in our grief and do not see the bigger picture: Just thinking...just saying...
Having said that - note to self: buy a fresh box of tissues tonight...this does not get any easier.
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