A pointless new existence

30 Thursdays have dawned since your untimely departure from this world. Since your love and presence was ripped from this physical world.  A world where I had come to depend and thrive on the daily doses of hugs, kisses, smiles and sharing beautiful love.

I stagger dazed through every Thursday, the reality of your absence worsened by the pain of that dreaded day, my sorrow and yearning for you intensified 10 x fold: pain upon pain.  Recurring images from that day which I vainly try to push from my mind  "photo-bomb" and intrude any pleasant memories I try to conjure and cling to. 

I am bereft of the oxygen that fed and nourished my human soul.  There is no other human comfort or touch that will suffice.  Physically I am alive, emotionally I am dead.  A husk without you.

I know you are with me in spirit, that you are more alive than ever in another realm - waiting for me.  But it is your touch I seek, to see your smile, hear your voice.  I fear I will forget the detail.  I need you in my life, by my side - here on earth together.  To be part of my life, morning noon and night, like it used to be.  You completed me and made life worth living - an adventure to be shared.   You were my hiding place, my refuge and resting place.  The one I shared so much with as we planned our futures in anticipation.  Now I exist alone... nothing makes sense without you here. 

Dear God, without your peace I cannot make it.  Even so, Your will be done.  Look after my special angel until it is our time to be reunited. May it be soon Lord.