The Power of the Pen to Heal Grief

Managing life after the loss of a loved one can be exhausting and overwhelming. The complex mix of thoughts, emotions and reactions need time and attention in order to help in the conservation of mental, emotional and physical energy that it takes to adapt and get through each day.

Journaling is a helpful practice to incorporate daily in your plan of good self-care after loss. To get started, here are a few basic tips on how to use journaling to help your healing process.

For Externalizing Painful Feelings of loss:

1. Journaling provides a place to externalize difficult feelings. It makes thoughts more concrete so we can gain new perspective about what we are feeling and what we need. There are many different ways of journaling. It also provides a space for you to give voice to difficult feelings that you may not feel comfortable sharing with another person. Like the raw pain of grief.

a. Write an informal conversational letter to your deceased loved one share with them some of the things you struggle with. Don't censure your feelings this is for your eyes only; don't worry about if what you say is appropriate, don't worry if grammar and spelling is correct or not; the focus is on getting the difficult feelings outside of yourself. If you are using this as a receptacle for raw pain, I suggest not re-reading it, which can stir up the intensity depleted through writing feelings on paper. Re-reading deposits the pressure of the feelings back inside. Think of it like the valve on top of the pressure cooker; it lets pressure out so you don't get overwhelmed by the pressure of the feelings. Remember the feelings are inside of you whether you say or right them, ignoring them doesn't diminish their impact on you.

b. It may be helpful before starting, to note what feelings you are experiencing and to do this again after the writing is done. This will make you aware of potential shifts or relief you get through writing.

c. If you decide to use journaling for raw pain many bereaved persons find it helpful to do this practice 1-2 hours before bedtime. Doing so helps them to externalize the intense emotions that often disturb sleep patterns.

d. There can be more than one type of journaling you do. If you use it to express raw difficult feelings then you won't want to re-read the entries because they will stir those difficult feelings up again; it is best to dispose of these types of entries. You can however keep a different type of journal that chronicles your experience in a less emotionally intense format for reviewing at different times during your bereavement. For some having this other type of journal can help them to see shifts and changes that bring hope for healing.

Increase Resiliency and Emotional Balance:

2. Gratitude journals are wonderful practices for anyone. They particularly help bring some much needed balance to the world of the grieving person when there are so many painful feelings, uncertainty and because getting through our grief process can take so long. The emphasis on what one is grateful for helps to build resiliency and sometimes reframes our experience. One need only list 3-5 things per day they are thankful for. From special friends to things, our surroundings or special blessings during our day these items are best noted daily.

For Non-Writers:

3. If people are internal processors they often are turned off by writing. They envision paragraphs of deep description, flowery phrases and non-stop musings! For internal processors a series of asking oneself questions can be a more satisfying form of "journaling" ones feelings. On those days when you feel you are "on an emotional rollercoaster," try asking yourself the following questions and answering on paper.

a. What emotion/emotions have overwhelmed me today?

b. When did that feeling(s) surface, what was the circumstance I was in when the feelings surfaced? The circumstances can help us understand triggers.

c. What thoughts did I notice come before or after the difficult feeling? (list all thoughts)

d. How did I react when these feelings hit?

e. What helped me to feel I was able to return to my routine? (List what you did or ways you changed your thoughts)

f. What might have been helpful to do differently to better meet my emotional needs when similar reactions occur?

g. What might I do differently moving forward assuming these emotions may need more attention?

An Excerpt from the book: Grief Coach 2013 © C.Recchion

Grief Coach available on Amazon.com in Kindle and printed format. Copies of Grief Coach are available in larger quantities through author.http://www.happinesscanhappen.com, or submit inquiries to [email protected]