Quicksand (A Mourning Poem)

The one who loved me for me

Is gone now.

His absence is like

A gaping hole in my heart

I ache with all my soul.

It's unfathomable

That the only person

Whoever loved me completely

And so unconditionally

Was ripped away from me

Before I even knew what happened

I ache knowing

I will never see him again.

I will never see him take his first steps

Play in his boy scout uniform

Get into his limo for prom

Wait for his bride at the end of the aisle

Look down at me as we dance at his wedding

Or hold his baby for the first time.

I have been robbed of all his firsts.

He'll never understand how important

He was to me.

I feel hallow inside.

I love him so much

And no one understands

No one grasps who and what

He was to me.

He was a miracle, my gift from God

"You'll see him again someday," they say.

But someday is so far away.

I don't want to live the rest of my life

Without him in it.

If I could cut out this pain

And feel nothing I would.

Nothingness-numbness-

Would be better than this.

But whenever I think

I've located the source

Rooted it out-

It shifts, it moves,

It eats away at me

Because when I allow myself to really feel

It's like I'm sinking

Into the darkest, deepest quicksand

That anyone can ever imagine.

And I feel like I'm going crazy

Because nothing makes sense anymore

I don't know who I am anymore

And I'm sinking so fast

That I feel like I'm choking

I can't breathe

And I know there's no way out

Only deep down into the bottomless pit

Quicksand has taken over my life