Support--Where Is Yours? Audrey Pellicano R.N.,M.S.

Yes, you do need support! And yes it’s out there. The support of family and friends is wonderful, if you have it. However, unless they have traveled this journey they will not relate to why you’re still having bad days two years after losing your spouse/partner.

Do support group’s help?

Yes, either virtual or in person. I wrote my thesis many years ago on the success of support groups for Panic and Anxiety. At the time, I had been leading such a group for 6 years. I witnessed the power of group support first-hand as I saw many participants learn how to control their anxiety and get off medication. And as a widow myself, I know that group support can also provide solace from a world turned upside-down by widowhood.

Groups can support us when we question if what we are feeling is crazy or not, (our hearts literally breaking in two), and remind us that it’s abnormally normal during grief.

Looking for support

Over the years, I kept watch on how and where support for widows developed or didn’t. I remember the evenings, kids in bed by 7:30pm, and facing the long night ahead (actually I was tucked in by 9:30pm). Where did I go during those lonely hours before bed? To the computer in a chat room! I wasn’t connecting with widows but I was connecting with someone, somewhere.

Over time, I found that the format for connection changed to blogs. Blogs specifically for widows! Brilliant! You could post your fears, angers, and stories...stories about your awful days and even the days that weren’t so bad. And, best of all, you received a response from someone who could relate to what you were experiencing from anywhere in the world. It provided a kind of virtual “support group”. Now there are “Meet-up” groups popping up all over, specific to widows and/or widowers.

Find a group that’s right for you.

Not every group, whether virtual or in-person, will be a right fit. Check them out and find the one where you feel safe to be yourself and express your feelings without being told what you should be feeling or doing. The group may be peer-led, led by other widows, have no structure, or be facilitated by a health professional.

A supportive group can help move you through the grieving process morereadily. Without support you risk unresolved grief, never moving forward and finding joy in your life later rather than sooner. And, as I say quite often, “no one should make this journey alone”.

About the Author

Audrey is a Health Counselor to widowed women, working with them to create a new role for themselves and face the world again without pain. Having been widowed at the age of 38 with 4 young children, Audrey initially sought out the assistance of those professionals she thought might be able to help, but who in fact had no experience in working with a young widow with years of raising children ahead of her. Experience the absence of support in the traditional medical system, Audrey pursued complimentary therapies and earned certification in Guided Imagery, Yoga and Meditation. She used these skills along with her Masters Degree in Health Science and 37 years in the health care industry as a Registered Nurse and Case Manager, to successfully find her own way through the pain and anxiety, create a new vibrant life for herself, and is now committed to helping other widowed women do the same. Her goal as a Health Counselor is to be a guide through the journey of widowhood, provide an empathetic and safe place to grow through the grief, create a complete wellness plan, to connect her clients with other related professionals familiar with the challenges of a widowed woman, and ultimately to support them as they create a new role for themselves and step out confidently into the world.

I'm Grieving, Now What?

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