A Time to Remember
August 5th, 2002 – John and I are driving back to city after having been home to for our mother’s birthday on the long weekend. We have with us in the car, Cleo, John’s cat. John and his girlfriend had split up two months earlier, and John didn’t want to leave Cleo home alone for the weekend. I was a new driver and I begged John to let me drive to Winnipeg to get practice driving on the highway. Somewhere along the way, Cleo got under my feet, distracting me for only a second. The next thing I know, the car is spinning out of control and I black out as we hit the ditch. I wake up, glancing over at John, and he is slumped over - unconscious. I get out and flag down help and pass out on the side of the road while waiting for the emergency vehicles to arrive. When my mother meets us at the nearest hospital, she tells me that John didn’t make it – he was 29.
I remember the night before his memorial; wailing until I could make no more sound, and I remember listening to every one of John’s Dave Matthews albums, over and over again, as the months passed and my life crumbled....and then putting them away when it all became too much.
Many years, and many versions of my life have passed since that day...many times I thought I wouldn’t survive. Always there with me on my journey has been John's music collection – helping me to grieve and ultimately to heal. And when I feel that time slipping away, his music helps me to remember and to connect in some way with my brother.
On days like today, when my past oozes into my present, bringing with it an endless stream of dusty tears, I find comfort in having learned that life is full of gifts and is in itself a gift, and I am grateful to be alive and promote life and John’s legacy in all that I do – and part of John’s legacy is the gift he gave to me when he shared his love of music.
And so I share this gift with you...and I remember.
Comments