The Types of Continuing Bonds Which Have A Positive Impact on Parental Bereavement

My daughter Jaimè Jacinda was only with me for four short days before she passed away in my arms. My struggle to find answers to the questions ‘Why?’ and ‘Why Me?’ haunted me for a long time. Making sense of your own child’s death is no easy feat. How does one move on and find some sense of meaning in life when you’ve been challenged with the biggest injustice imaginable.

For my daughter was denied her life, and I was denied a lifetime with my daughter. My feelings of frustration and powerlessness consumed me. Realising that my child, my beautiful baby girl, was gone forever was incomprehensible. My daughter was lent to me for just a short time and in that short time we shared a connection, a love, a bond so strong, so unbreakable, almost incommunicable. And that continued bond lives on between us, and will never be severed. 

Some seventeen years on, my journey through grief continues to change and soften. However, the biggest hurdle that I have struggled with on this journey is the realisation that the loss of my child is a taboo subject. For no one wanted to talk about my daughter, and when I did I made those around me feel uncomfortable. I was told to ‘move on’, to ‘get over my loss’, and that’ I was young enough and could have more children’. These words were far from comforting. Unfortunately this is what the grief perspectives of the 20^th century led us to believe was normal, healthy and adaptive.

So when the chance came to choose my thesis topic I knew instantly what I wanted to research. I wanted to share with the world not only my experiences and bonds that I continue to have with my daughter, but those of other bereaved parents. To prove that the orthodox grief perspectives of the 20^th century are wrong and that a paradigm shift to help other newly bereaved parents is required. Tall order I know!

However, I am content knowing that my study will add to the literature on continuing bonds, that it attends to an identified need, and that it may assist counselling professionals to look beyond the theories and take note of the continuing connections that are helping bereaved parents through their grief. And so my thesis begins.........

If you yourself have experienced the loss of a child and are 18+ years of age, I invite you to be part of this confidential online research study on parental bereavement and continuing bonds.

Your participation will help contribute to a better understanding of parental bereavement and the types of continuing bonds in which we use to stay connected to our children.

If you have any questions please take a look at the facebook community page – Continuing Bonds Research Project – or email myself on [email protected]

The study has been approved by The Human Research Ethics Committee, approval number H12/04-058.

To participate in this study or for more information please click on the following link:

http://kwiksurveys.com?u=c_bonds_research_study

Dianna Scholtes