What To Do When Everyone Else Seems To Have Stopped Grieving

Grief can be a lonely experience and there is nothing lonelier than when those around you seem to start moving on with their lives and you seem to be the only person left grieving.

When faced with this it’s important to make the distinction between grieving and mourning. Grieving is something that we do internally. Mourning is the outward display of how we react to our loss. Just because someone is not mourning doesn’t mean they are not grieving.

We all react to the loss of a loved one differently. Some of us grieve more but without ever showing others how they feel. Others grieve and mourn equally. There are also people who mourn the loss of a loved one without actually grieving. There is no right or wrong to this but without an awareness of this we can start to feel isolated in our grief.

The most important thing you can when face with this situation is to speak to the other people affected by the death of your loved one and explain how you feel. You may be surprised at what they tell you. This enables you to create a bond and understanding between you that can support you as you move forward in life. Even if they feel differently about their loss than you do about yours it’s important to accept this.

Find others who can support you and give you the space you still need to process your grief. The time it takes all of us to process grief is different. Some people are adaptable and can bounce back from loss in a matter of months. Most people need longer. A few struggle with grief for the rest of their lives.

It’s important not to judge yourself for where you are in the grieving process. As long it doesn’t interfere with your daily life it’s ok. As Oriah Mountain Dreamer says in her book The Invitation, “I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.”

Being patient with ourselves as we grieve is one of the hardest things. We doubt ourselves and question if we are normal. Remember, there is no such thing as normal in grief. Your grief is unique to you and you will move through it in the best way possible for you.

Questions for Self-Reflection:

• In what ways are you grieving the loss of your loved one?

• In what ways are you mourning the loss of your loved one?

• What are the key differences between the two?

• How can you balance grieving and mourning with living life?