What Helps....

With each passing week

My heart is filled with a void

With the knowledge 

You are not here.

I look at the calendar

And cannot believe

How long it's been .

Did life  just pass by 

Without you here at my side?

Am I the only one holding on

To the life there was 

When you were here?

To say I miss you 

Is an understatement.  

Life will never be 

The same as when

You were here. 

This new life I have 

Doesn't make much sense.

People say it gets 

Different with time.

That I will adjust 

And make it through.

Breathing at times 

Is a challenge. 

When reality sets in.

Tears flow uncontrollably. 

I can feel when l am unstable. 

And I need an ear. 

I know in a given day 

If life will be too much . 

It's not like I am given

A 3 days warning to 

Where I can plan.

It just strikes!  

I reach out with a text. . 

" How are you? Are you free ?

Can you meet?

How about a walk?

And most times friends unaware

Of the depth of the despair . 

Friends have lives ;

And are busy;

Back to work they go.  

Dealing with things. 

But it's not the same  for us.  

Those times when I 

Make that reach. 

When I hear " not today"

I have plans 

Wish I could...

It's when life

becomes very dark 

And spins out of control. 

People often wonder 

Why the bereaved struggle with life?

Why some say they feel so alone?

When friends all insist they are around .

Friends do not underestimate  

The power of saying 

"Are you ok? "

Rather than dismissing 

Out of air.  

Friends and family struggle

To know how to help

Wonder what works? ..

Checking in with those 

You know are hurting.  

Life does not move on for them. 

Pain does not disappear.  

The grief is not over in a week

or a month or even a year.

Often it gets harder

when more time has passed. 

If that bereaved has called you

Know that call or reach out

They did was so hard 

For them to do. 

They don't want to burden 

It's the last thing they want.

They try to be strong and move along

But silence on the other end

Hurts more than you know. 

I can say from personal experience

Even a text can be the difference

To making it through.  

When there is no response 

To a text I sent. .

No matter how insignificant

 Or benign you may think.

The hurt was just magnified.  

I figure there is no way

For people to know ....

What helps and what doesn't

Unless we guide

Those around us and hope 

They care enough to

Not brush it aside.

Being a true friend

is not checking in once

and saying I'm good I did my bit;

But over and over.

Can it be tough for you emotionally

To listen to the grief?  

Yes without a doubt.

That flows through our mind.  

It's why reaching out is so hard to do. 

So as you speak to non griever's.

And talk about how hard it must be

on those poor mothers and father's,

Siblings and children; 

Spouses and partners

who lost some one dear. 

How you don't know what to do?. ..

The power of saying

"How are you? "

 And spending time.

Even if it's just by text. 

So you get on with your day

You are still the hero.