It’s a challenge for many people when it comes to letting go of loss. There can be resistance as letting go is viewed as letting go of your loved one. This misunderstanding causes people to stay stuck in the pain of grief. What is misunderstood is that letting go of loss actually means moving away from the pain so that you are able to create a new and stronger connection to your loved one that will support you as you move forward.
Many people, including myself in the past, feel that the pain they experience after the death of a loved one is a way of representing how much they loved them. Therefore if you loved them deeply it logically follows that you must also grieve them deeply. What ends up happening though is that the pain of this grief blocks the love we actually feel for them. We can struggle to remember the good times we had with them. Their death overshadows everything.
No matter what people say or believe grief and love are never two sides of the same coin. Love is the answer and the solution to grief because love never dies. The love we feel for our loved one remains unchanged after death. If anything it can deepen as we realise truly what our loved one meant to us. By leaning into this love we can let go of grief and create a new connection to our loved one.
This is not easy. If it were, more people would be doing it! To let go of grief you have to be able to be capable of being in the pain and consciously bringing the love you have for your loved one into the grief. At times the pain of grief can be so overwhelming that we can find ourselves blocked by it and unable to tap into the love.
In order to help facilitate a move into love, take some time when the pain of grief has subsided. Take a pen and paper and write about your happiest memories with your loved one. Write about what you love about them the most. This can be challenging as it can trigger sadness over what you have lost.
If this happens, become present and bring yourself back to the happy memories and what you love about them. Become aware of how these moments make you feel. Focus on the love that is present there and realise that this love is still present now, even without your loved one’s physical presence. The more you are aware of this, the more you can lean into it during moments of grief, let go of the pain and invite love in.
Questions for Self-Reflection:
- What are you holding onto in grief that you could let go of?
- How is this stopping your from moving forward?
- In what ways do you still maintain a connection to your loved one?
- How can you deepen this connection?