What Now?

What do I do now? - It's like you're on a vacation, I do not feel like you are gone, forever. It breaks my heart to even want to think about it but the reality is you are gone and you are gone forever. I cannot begin to picture my life without you. What hurts the most as there was no warning..just a phone call at six am telling me you were dead. I thought it was a cruel and evil joke my family played on me..I would rather it be a joke. At least I'd get over it then. I'm tired of holding it in and pretending to be okay when all I want to do is sit in my bedroom and cry. I do not feel like a year has past and I hate the fact that it still feels like it happened yesterday... You always wanted a grandbaby and as soon as you die, I get pregnant. I feel like it was a gift from you - I really do but now it saddens me that you are not here to watch her grow or hug and kiss her.

I'll never get over it, ever.

I miss you..